college can't come soon enough. 2,000 miles away sounds incredibly sweet right now. peaceloveDISNEY2

So I finally did it! I pulled off an 81 for second quarter in AP History and I could not be happier! Hard work pays off :). So basically all that's left now before I go to Nationals for dance is my two day math test (starting tomorrow), my makeup chemistry test (that I got a 76 on...woops), and my AP History exam (which oddly will be easier than all of the tests). Pretty much I'm in the homestretch. Hell. Yes. That's about it. Just a random thought, I know and you all know that I love dancing and that it's my life but I recently discovered that the best dancing comes from when you don't think; you just act. My words of wisdom for the day :) peaceloveDISNEY7

How am I feeling today? Stressed, overwhelmed, in over my head, angry, upset, lonely. Like I'm a failure. I just don't know how to not feel like this for lack of better words. Exams are coming up quickly I might add. I feel like so much is riding on these tests coming up that I'm just a failure to my parents if I don't do well. I feel like they don't understand and can't comprehend how much I want to succeed and how sometimes I just can't. They expect so much, and I don't blame them, I'm going to expect a lot out of my kids when I have them. I just wish they could understand even a little bit of how torn up and distraught I am inside. Anyways, another journal entry got me thinking about what I want most in life. Honestly? I want someone to understand me. I want someone to be interested in the things I subconciously do and the habits and faults and weaknesses I possess. I want someone to unconditionally love me for everything I am and stand for. I want someone to respect me for me. It scares me though. This is so much to ask for and I feel like there's just not nearly enough time. This might sound stupid and ridiculous but I was so proud of myself today. And here's why: So in study hall, I sit with my best friend and this guy whose a grade above us. Personally I just can't stand him. He's so cocky and judgemental of others and just absolutely disgusting and has no respect for women. So today I finally just snapped. (This might not be big to anyone else, but it was a real feat for me so play along ;) ) Me(talking to my best friend NOT the guy): I really wanna get a lip ring when I'm 18. I think it would be so fun! Boy: What the hell? You would look so ugly with that. Me: Right. Boy: Honestly, you wouldn't be able to get anyone Me(not thinking to what I was saying): I can get anyone I want regardless. Boy: *Laughs* Well not me. Me: I DON'T WANT YOU! Boy: ............... No response. I finally said something that stung and I was so proud. He has been talking down to me forever: "You're too pale, too tall, not sexy enough, too weird, a nerd. You're a whore/ho/slut/skank" or on the opposite days "We're gonna hook up sometime. You look really sexy today. I can see down your shirt, I can see up your skirt, your ass is out." Its so degrading and just completely unnecessary. Why do guys think this is acceptable or okay? Telling me I'm stupid, to shut up, my opinion doesn't matter. Is it just me or are we backtracking? Hmm. I'm just glad that I could say something (however rude it may have been) that hurt him. He runs on the thought that all women want him. But really, I think he is an insecure boy. His family is COMPLETELY messed up, he gets suspended constantly and in trouble almost everyday. It's almost kind of sad. He needs help. Fast. So where are the decent boys? I have yet to find one and losing hope fast. Wow, this has turned out to be a really weird journal entry. My apologies, not my intention. However, life's good, despite what I say, I can't complain. :) peaceloveDISNEY8

its been a long time since i posted um since then we had our winter break for 17 delicious days but now i'm back at school, back in hell again :( christmas was good:) i'm very grateful for everything i got favorites were -iphone 3g -nikon coolpix s60 in arcitc white -bose speakers -wii fit -chi straightener -tiffanys ring (but i have to return it cause it turned my finger green, those jerks:() so i have my first behind the wheel in 2 hours i am so nervous. like none other. i mean i'm not a bad driver. but i'm going to be driving with an instructor that i don't know and another person that i don't know. and besides that i don't know what they're going to ask me to do. gahhh i just want to get this over with. i'm leaving for florida to go to nationals with my dance team in 18 days and i'm so excited!!! also for springbreak i'm going to costa rica with my high school choir and i am also freaking excited for that! yayyy. i've never been out of the country besides canada so this is huge for me! i don't know, that's about all if have to say:) my life is kind of boring right now. PS-check out this guy on youtube. so cute and funny. you can't help but smile. his name is Mitchell Davis and his youtube account name is livelavalive. please check him out he is just awesome! peaceloveFEARLESS