[50]For every smile you gave to me with Love Ever looked back at old journal entries and thought, "Wow. I was an idiot."? I've done this so many times over the years, but I've only now noticed how quickly and constantly I change.

[49]It's never ending... Oh, dang.. it's nearly 4. I thought it was still around 3. Well. I had a huge nap Friday evening, and subsequently stayed up past daybreak both Friday and Saturday night. I guess that's why I'm still awake. I think everyone's experienced what I usually go through every night. You're tired, as you lay there in bed, but barely not tired enough, or your mind is in a busy panic about something, or thinking about someone, or just simply awake still. Or, when you're sitting at the computer and up you feel exhausted, but when you crawl into bed you're wide awake. I'm thoroughly convinced that I would fall asleep with ease if I had somethingone warm to hug. Insomnia is a cool word.. but it's frustrating sometimes. *Err.. wow. Wound up staying up to 6:30 reading. I'm going to be absolutely exhausted whether I stay up all day or nap before school (waking up so soon will be a killer), so this kinda sucks.

[48] There's an excellent line in a song about change, but it's not coming to mind. I can't get over how excited I am [about nothing, really]. You know what? Life is amazing. Hey, it's Friday. Let's celebrate that.

[47] You're safe 5k1nn7wr1575, your journal is so awesome. :] So is All Time Low.

[46]With character and confidence complete with fingers crossed they'll talk to me There was something strange going on tonight, it was driving me crazy. But things have calmed down and it just now came to me: An old, familiar presence I haven't noticed in about a year, before that apathetic phase. Perhaps it's suddenly over? I have a really great feeling about this.

[45]Don't give up on us I had to do a double take on this lyric while I drove home from picking up a book. "While angels carry me" It sounds nice, I guess, from a third party view. But put yourself in that [first person] position for a minute. Angels, as I understand them, are built on traits of a personal mentor, guardian, and.. an intimate x factor (fill in with the things you think are amazing about the people close to you). And, perhaps most importantly, Security. It's probably one of the things you have to experience firsthand, with the music and driving. But it activated a sort of fleeting epiphany. Then another thing was brought to mind. The hug this afternoon that.. didn't quite reach me. Though, my sinuses have been running amuck since Friday, so I'm rather numb. Hopefully that's all there is to it. Hmm.. Loosing my [capacity?] to receive love isn't quite the right way to describe it. But it's close. I just don't know. I like to be a kind person. Somehow it doesn't resonate with me when it's returned. You know what else may be the problem? My tendency to relentlessly over-analyze things. *megafacepalm*

[44]remember those from another life? This happens to me all the time. You just have no idea. http://xkcd.com/222/ Unless you took me literally. Then you get it.

[43] Well, go me. I've stayed up past 3:00 a.m. every day of this week now. Suddenly I get summer vibes. But then I'm just tired as hell. And thirsty. Sweet dreams.

[42]Slowly we're safe and sound Typical. It was a terrible day up until about 40 minutes ago, and now I'm on top of the world. What a waste. But maybe it'll carry through to my dreams. I could live with that.

[41] It's another dark road that you walk on your own I need an escape.. Just for a few days. Where did all my time go?