humbled, zombie-eyed and weaker than ever. they tell me i have a heart-shaped face. i will play my games beneath the spin light.

it's easy to write apealing sentences. but it's not enough. i know how to rhyme, how to fix transitions, almost everything. i still have a lot to learn. i want to write poetry that intoxicates.

you are the tiny sailboat to my ocean. insignificant but i let you float just the same. hold back the stormy weather till you are through. the titanic drowns while i watch over you. http://weboughtyourjury.blogspot.com/ can't say i regret it.

there goes my peace of mind. but the sky is so beautiful. and i am so small. good god, i wish i was tall.

http://www.myspace.com/breathecarolina they're amazing. 'give your ears a highfive!' meandyouforever.

'i hated myself with madness and loved myself with sadness' this is me on the brink. this is me at my smallest. pathetic enough to stain the internet with my troubles. the mess spilling out from my fingers. something's going to happen soon. 'we all need breaks.'

my attendance is bad, my intentions are good. summary: dkhdjkshkahd.

ahahaha. i just lost an entire entry! a forced fresh start! a message saying; 'do it over.' alright then. i will. so, back to where i was. i am tired of all the rules and regulations of logic sitting cold on the table till i finally choke them down to leave. i am tired of poetic reasons shooting at my feet. i am just the dried weed pressed insideook. i am waiting for the house to burn down so i can get my peace. all the memories are choking me. not letting me edit the details, but forcing me along. down that hallway with a full recognition of what is going to be said. the same memories. stuck inside of myself leaning against my bedroom door. hoping for a change in the script, but knowing through and through. he will push open the door and slam me against the wall. 'take off your glasses' and i will be forced to oblige. asked to load the rifles for my own firing squad. this is a force not to be tangled with. and definitely not to be underestimated. of course, i had to give it a try. it would be just like me to take the easy way out and give up this training. excuse myself from growing up. running away from my problems, but i think that i am the problem. and like he said, 'maybe that's the problem all along.' this is worth more than just being okay. the forbidden dreams are the ones you always wish for when stars commit mass suicide. this is who i am right now. and i will probably change. who and what i love will change in a matter of months. this is just another " i'm sorry for violating your thoughts." but i really wish you weren't so willing. this is a message to a lot of people. but some of the pieces aren't meant for anyone but me. my skin is gone and everything is grating against my bones. i really wish i'd had more calcium. i have no clue what i want and need anymore. so i'm running on instincts and regrets. i'm too crowded to be lonely. and i'm too lonely to need space. this is just me dusting away the evidence to hide my fingerprints. because the last thing i knew i didn't need was you to see me like this. this won't mean a thing come tomorrow. and that's exactly how i'll make it feel.

Fallen Leaves, yes. i love marianas trench. i can mimic josh's shaketramp dance very well. and also, i do like billy talent as well. though i'm partial to their older works. anyways, sorry for the delayed reply. ah, brand new telling me how much of a coward i am. 'is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with. i've seen more spine in jellyfish. i've seen more guts in 11 year old kids.' check out Seventy Times 7, if you haven't heard it yet. this is me being sorry. and this is me being selfish. my breed is the reason so many songs sing of heartbreak. stopthinkingaboutme.

20 minutes till the new year. mr. brightside has always made my heart throb. i have the live video of fall out boy covering it from the concert i went to in november. i also have the playradioplay! version of it. so. the new year is coming? huh. i can't seem to find the right resolutions. last year it was so simple. this year, everything has reasons and undertones. all the excuses have taken me there. i'm almost exactly where i wanted to be last year. but not really. there's too much to ask for. and i am an all or nothing kind of person. i bet that would change if i joined the musketeers. 'all for one. and one for all.' i've always been more of a fairy though. one of those bad ones. the ones who curse the heroes out of jealousy. jealousy turning saints into the sea. i fucking hate people who half-swear. either say 'fuck' or don't. no fudge for you. no f@ck either. faaack is okay because it sounds funny. basically, you sound like an idiot. and no fucking 'bleep'. i swear. either be fully clean or be fully mean. fuck you. grow up. nothing is going to be different when the hands of the clock embrace. the only good thing i see about the next year is that it has my favourite number in it. the flipped infinity. things will happen and i will change as i always do. don't you all understand? time doesn't care about the way we measure it. it'll move on no matter who gets left behind. this new year won't mean a thing. nobody's going to become magically beautiful and successful. the fireworks are pretty. but not as beautiful as the clear starry sky. lie down in the cool grass and breathe in the crisp night air. stare up at the gems in the sky. more valuable than any diamond. but not as valuable and intangible as the lover you want lying there beside you. just another one of my far-fetched daydreams. too bad everyone here breathes funny. i can't lie down beside anyone around here without laughing and walking away. but is that just cruel? time will ki(ck)ss it beter. and you never meant a thing to me. last year's wishes are this year's apologies. every last time i come home.