it's terribly sad how people never think that they're good enough for the person they love. rose-coloured glasses be damned. big sad eyes that stare at you and you can't look away from should be sentenced to... i couldnt even wish you a papercut. just please dont look at me anymore. you wanted me gone. and i'm really far gone. that girl i used to love and then hate and now miss said that it was because you wanted my attention again. she's usually right about these things. my writing has really gone to shit as of late. the things i say are'nt really what i'm saying but they mean the same thing. and i am finding numerous typos. my head's out of it because it's trying really hard to be responsible. i haven't missed even a day of school and i've only been late a couple of times. my homework is pretty much always done and i'm almost always there when i say i will be. i'm very busy because i dont want to be useless like last year. my heart's a teenage mess(with or without you so it makes no difference to me.) i'm fixing bridges now because the price of gas in just too damn high. but i think i'll keep the one between us burning, even if it keeps me in debt. oh well.

EXTENSION: i'm tasting water without drinking any. i just need to sleep but i cant seem to. i want to talk to anybody but only nobody's here. wow. just wow. where are you? i'm hearing songs that i haven't listen to yet. you're not anywhere nearby. "come back. come back to me." i'm screwed up tight and i'm tasting water without drinking any. where are you? you didnt have to leave, i left for you. i don't like hearing about how messed up i am because i like to think that i hide it well. i have so many friends. and yet, you're not anywhere nearby. unbelievable. this is how my head works. "we should move somewhere deep in july." i cant write about how i really feel when i see you. i cant even think about it because i taste water without drinking any. and i cant sleep, but i really need to. i'm so out of hope. the one thing i said i'd never let go of and it's gone and you're not anywhere nearby. i really should go listen to the songs i'm hearing. "more than a cricket on your shoulder." there, that's three different types of references. though still, i swear i'm not drinking anything but i'm tasting water.

i have this silver ring and it's two little hands that wrap around my finger. it looks like a tiny metal man hanging on for dear life. i'd save him if i could but all i can do is hope that he manages to hold on. "couldn't wait to breathe your breath" meaningful looks only mean something if your eyes are open, and i like my lights turned off. i wish i had a kiss in the corner of my mouth and that my name was darling and that when i spun around really fast all you could see would be the kiss. and dare say i that i wish i was a little easier to love and a lot harder to like. winter was the time when i went from chocolate to honey, from true to warm. So now I try to keep up, I've been exchanging my currency While a million objects pass through my periphery Now I'm rubbing my eyes, cause they're starting to bother me I've been staring too long at the screen But where was it when I first heard that sweet sound of humility? It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery To love and to be loved Let's just hope that is enough you have to be awake to answer the door, but nevermind. there's a list of things i need to fix. i'm having a bit of trouble with science, it was so easy when it was in french. i dont have the right study habits for science. i usually just coast by on what i already know, but this shit is a bit advanced. everything else is simple, but i need to actually try in this damned subject. i wish wish wish that some of the people i look up to would put up with me just a little more. i cant help being obnoxious, it's a big part of my character. the comic relief needs some huge personality flaw. its a shitass job but you know, i gotta. i'll take a good night's rest in exchange for the rose-coloured glasses.

summer really fixed me and taught me how to get over myself and in that process, get over other people as well. everyone who leaves my life, eventually comes back. it's just that my smile works mostly like a revolving door, and the inside of my mouth has a slew of secrets with broken parachutes. i'd be nothing without them and i regret it everytime one of them manages to fly away. i've decided that i love them more than i love the people who leave and come back coz a secret either stays or leaves forever. you cant take back a secret. it's terrible. when i was younger, other kids used to tell me that something is not a secret until atleast one person knows it. and thats the first filthy lie i ever heard. a secret becomes nothing but a joke when someone else finds it out. i'm extremely excited for the throwback(where you dress up from a past era) dance. i'm going classy forties and i have this really amazing dress that i keep wanting to put on over and over again just so i can admire myself in it. funny how the silliest things can make you love yourself. i have bright red lipstick and very long false eyelashes that i'll be wearing. most people will be going retro, but not i. still trying to figure out what to do with my hair though. its very long and curly. i might leave it as is, maybe just pulling up the bangs. the dance is on thursday so i have a bit of time to decide. but i look about 25 in that dress and the strappy stilletto-like heels. i swear i'm not trying to grow up too fast, but sometimes you just need a break from acting your age. i get a volcano in my lungs everytime i hear this song, and its despicable. my heart's surrendered any leftover feelings and i'm happy as hell, but something really must be done about all this lava. love and jealousy burn up too fast. use coal instead.

I'm so elated and confident right now. I bought this amazing dress, and these crazy strappy shoes with pointy heels. I'm going 40-50's for the dance, and everyone else is going to be retro. I'm wearing bright red lipstick and I'm not sure what to do with my hair just yet, probably just loose and curly. I look like I'm 25 when I'm in that dress. I swear I'm not trying to grow up too fast, but I feel so damn beautiful. Tomorrow I won't have this anymore, but for right now I'm overjoyed and pretty glad about it. I know anyone who is reading this probably wants shoot the teeth out of my smile. And I don't care. I'm listening to that live version of Konstantine where he changes the words a bit. Things are swell. Fuck field hockey though. It's wrecking my style.

i am snap. and i am clear and queasy and alright. thank you. i am fine without.

sniping butterflies better than any hitman could. you aren't allowed to look at me because you started it. though it's probably because of the way my eyes look weird in the light. i understand but dont let it happen again, okay? we have a dance coming up! you have dress up old-fashioned! I think i'll go for something audrey hepburn-esque. i wanna be classy. pot is disgusting. i cant stand the smell of it. call me a prude, but youre the one with the fewer brain cells, homie. i'm beyond tired today, so i'm gonna call up the night. give it a ring, you know. then get divorced early tomorrow morning.

i said to the man, "colour me a shade that is the opposite of love." and he asked me why. i didnt have much of an answer, i just spoke badly about its intellect. maybe it's because i've been stuck on all the wrong ends of love. it just feels strange not being crowned a hero anymore. being more like the, "is she even there?" i know what i'm talking about this time but i wish i knew why i cant fall asleep tonight. everyone said goodnight but ive yet to believe in it. mr. lacey asked a valid question. what did jesus do those three days he was dead? to that you; i'm always bending my back to spend time with you. that land of fairytales was more important than your date of birth, but i still showed. i had no fun. next time you ask me to go hiking in the himalayas, my foot will be asleep. i was going to say, "hope your bed is as cold as your heart" but you're a block of "don't touch me" ice. you're really not that bad of a person and i owe you 10 bucks which i'll get back to you tuesday. i wish i could touch hearts with somebody, but honestly, i dont deserve it. i left everyone i ever let through and they all got over it after a while. there really is a point to hoping for the best, coz ive always been a firm believer in the fact that it's all we have. in the circulatory sense, i mean. the nectar you got pumping through those streets is what keeps that chest so busy. though i always end up proving myself wrong. only one left standing is quite alright. i dont miss you one little bit, except when its truly you in the flesh. and i mean, you. not the hollow you that tries to not see me. and i havent seen that you since i last saw the blues. orange fucking hates blue. just like i fucking hate you. but not really, coz hate=love coz rant said so. i'd vote neither instead of you. and we've won without my super powers before.

there is a pink flower and to make it speak you must say, "surely a lie has never passed thy lips." then it will tell you how sad it is and how it wishes it were a bee or a hummingbird or even a blade of grass. the pain it feels is not for any holy cause, it's an exile of the harshest sorts. though coming from me, this means nothing. you have to ask that pink flower and it will declare all the hardships and the agonies. how the brightest star in the sky never stays long enough and the ache when that star spends its nights with the ocean. i'm still trying to find a way to make that flower shut the fuck up.

beauty sleeps within the eyelashes that sweep across thine cheek. back at the cliff, with you still sleeping. i am not your density nor your breath. for all i know, i barely exist without you running down those spiral staircases to catch up to my heat. you were always a typo away. not your fault though, you're just too big for someone without principle. seeing you dance with that serious look on thine face when i wanted the guts to see if you'd smile. but that was it and i've been here for years.

glad you finally got to meet charlie, lynnie. lock everything i wont talk about in a tower and let out only the golden. all the things i am saying are honest but not in a way that includes me. if youre allowed to, i'm allowed you. cri de mort, non merci. aren't i soo sophisticated? dont i sound soooo mature? i'm pretty much ahead of eeeeveryone. wrong. i really need to read myself the tyler durden speech again. you really need to shut up and not say things to me about me that are completely retarded. i'll still blind you and twirl my hair, but fuck, you're so stupid. "with blood and feathers on my dumb paws you aint nothin but a dead duck i aint nothin but a hound dog"