its over... me and him.. its done for good i cant live like this anymore... i just cant take the lies... maybe its the undeniable truth i cant stand... he's not made for women... hes not made for love... im glad i dont have to live with that in my brain anymore...

i was soo mad @ him! zach said he didnt really like me, but i didnt beleive. when i asked Him about it, he denies it. oh well. youd think id be ableto rest easier, knowing the truth, but i got not one wink of sleep last night. he still lloves heaven. when shes around he doesnt hardly look at me. he leaves that resonsibility to trevvor, and trevvor is more than happy to oblige. i wonder if i would be happier with trevvor... maybe he'd actua;;y think about me, love me, want to be around me. then again, maybe he'll be like wess, and not...

everythings going perfectly, i can finally sleep and stop worrying about crap. like the test i probably failed yesterday... oh well... i can always make it up for a 70. 70's passing. my dad used to always ask me if thats what i thought. 70's good enough? i didnt but now i do because of him... wess has laryngitis... he never wants to talk to me... why do i love him so much... he is so distant from perfect... hes rude and vulgar but at the same time i just was to be with him... jefferey still wants my bod (or so he says)... ???

god i feel like a dick... jefferey broke up with her... i think it was or me... im with wess... jefferey wants me... i want wess... and sha... sha doesnt want me jefferey or wess... i dont want jefferey. does wess evenn want me... do i want me?

he never got the voicemail. thank god... im glad he didnt. i cant beleive i wanted to break up with him. for jefferey???? ha! hes so... tiny... i like tall guys with some matter to their existance. thinking about my favourite song, glycerine by bush. just found out its one of his too... wow... stellar...

wonder where the first rain cloud came from? Rain comes from clouds, but before there was rain, were there clouds? oh yea, ocaens. they found a "new earth"... how fucking awesome would that be?to visit some odd planet with mountains and oceans, and dumbasses like us just walkin around, a doodle=dee-doo on the surface... very fucking awesome... omigod... im in love... for real this time... its not just another dumb fantasy... full is not haevy as empty, not nearly my love... not nearly...

its been a while since i could speak. to one who would never tell my secrets. to one who allows me to say what i want. how sad is this??? the only one i can speak to is a fucking computer. this thing doesnt fucking care. oh well . ill make it put a smile on = ) @ least it can convince me that its happy... omifuckinggod... i AM crazy... jesus christo... damn...

why are they all turning their backs on me? what did i do? nothing. i didnt do anything, an dtheyre all leaving me. she and i were friends. we LIVED together. i took her in while they got a divorce, and im not even invited to the wedding? why does she scorn me so? hell fire...

he was afraid of hurting my feelings. what the hell? he should know that im tough... i can handle rejection, especially from HIM... i can do much better than him... much better... i took my anger out on the raquetball court... iv actually faound a sport i like. wow... merde...

im stuck right here right here in this chair stuck doing the things people tell me to do too afraid to defy the orders too afraid to rebel but terrified of what will happen to me if i dont stop listening to other people.. will i lose my indiviudality? will i become my mother? oh, god... i gotta get the hell away from here... before i get too stuck...