God, I can be so annoying, really. Sometimes I hate myself, just wish I would shut up some time. I'm going to listen to Maria Mena and Elemeno P again, they're (unlike me) not at all annoying :) XxX winterwoods

I'm pissed. I'm taking this way to personally and I don't care if they were meant personally or not, I just do. And I feel offended, and maybe I'm being oversensitive and overemotional. I simply don't care. I feel like crying actually. But I won't because I have stuff to do. I really do. But well... I don't feel like it. (That sounds scarily familiar doesn't it?) XxX winterwoods

You know we have this school play, right? and you know I was the head of the writing group, right? It's finished! We mailed it to the supervisors and directors today, and it's finished! I'm happy :D. About that, I mean. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a happy person in general. But God, I think the people who read this already got that ;). XxX winterwoods

Yeah, Holidays are almost over. I think they call it fall break in America? I don't know, anyway they're almost over... :( Today and tomorrow going to a cabin in a little village with a few friends, because one of them turned 18 this week. I'm really glad for her, she has a great life, but she's too nice to get jealous actually. I'm just happy for her :). My life still isn't really what I hoped it to be, but well, I'll just keep trying, I don't know what else to do... I didn't learn my schoolexams this week, I'm going to go through hell next weak because of that. But I'll make it, I just know. *knock on wood* Well, they're picking me up in a few minutes, so bye! XxX winterwoods

I'm not going to tutor latin. I'm not going to exercise, or get a membership at the gym. I'm not going to get a job. I'm not going to do my homework. and I'll probably not go to Ireland either, or to Russia, or study psychology in Nijmegen. I will waste my life here in the middle of nowhere. XxX winterwoods

We're throwing this dude out of the writing group because he didn't do anything. It took us long enough. But well, I guess the 'I'm bugged by people' already covered that aspect of the story. I'm going to bodyjam tonight! Twice today actually, first during PE for like 30 minutes and later tonight again for an hour, with my sister. It's going to be fun! Er, I hope. I'm not very optimistic and enthusiastic by nature, more like pessimistic and … cold. But that doesn’t matter, I’m trying to change, so I should forget how I’m really like and pretend I’m perfect, just like everybody else’s doing! Hurray. Next week fall break ^_^. A friend of mine is going to celebrate her birthday than, and we’re going away for a short weekend then. That’ll probably be nice. I’m also going to Amsterdam (noooo! The horror!) for a conversation about me maybe going to Dublin next year.. So that’s nice too.. Why do they have to have an office in Amsterdam? I mean, God, I hate that city, with their stupid football club, Rotterdam is way cooler and better and our football team is going to rule the world one day! I mean it! End of Amsterdam rant. And I'm meeting up with a few friends I haven’t seen in a really long time, so that’s going to be superduper :). Just hoping that everything will go as planned this holiday… Probably not. XxX pessimistic me.

they bug me. They really do. Constantly talking about how good their live is. Or whining about how bad it is, when it's not even that bad. Oh, and I mean me as well. I do it constantly. I should appreciate the life I have, I'm just not very appreciative, can't help it. BLAH! I just... I... God, I don't know. I think this is about the meeting I had today, for the schoolplay... I don't know, I can't really talk about it right now. Just going to ... sleep. Yes, sleep. I've slept six hours a night this week, no wonder I'm tired. XxX winterwoods

It figures that because of my insecurity I’m also not very immune to stress. Well, that’s not a good sign when I have a lot to do :s. I’m listening to ‘kiss you off’ from the Scissor Sisters, hoping that will calm me down, but it’s not really working… I do like the Scissor Sisters though, there my new favourite band ^_^. Just for a while though, I’m still hooked on The Kooks, Kate Bush, Our Lady Peace and stuff. Elemeno P too, they’re cool. Too bad they live like on the other side of the world or something (read: New Zealand). I discovered Steven Lynch as well, he’s an American cabaret singer, I think. He’s got really cool stuff, I downloaded some. But that’s not really helping me doing my homework :S. I still have to dig through all these newspapers for a history assignment, and I have to write another text for Dutch. (I really hate Dutch) And I have to write a dozen mails to friends, they’re waiting for me to write an email and it’s kind of rude that I’ve kept them waiting for so long… I don’t have many friends, so why do I treat the few friends I have so badly? Sometimes I really don’t get myself… But that’s normal, I guess. Yeah well, I’m still freaking out because of the amount of homework I have. I really should start on that. (I don’t want to! I’m going to start whining in a few moments you know…). And I don’t even have intervals tomorrow, nor free periods. I’m going to die tomorrow. How will I be able to eat?! And I’m kind of… annoyed by family. Don’t know why, but that’s probably caused by adolescence, or at least that’s what people keep telling me. Just like my insecurity, it’s all just adolescence. And one day I’ll grow up and suddenly I won’t be annoyed by people so often and I will become very confident and successful. Sure. Well, that’s it for now I guess. I’m going to start on that homework :(. XxX winterwoods

For god sake, my inspiration has al vanished since this weekend. I had to write two scenes for the play. Tomorrow there’s another meeting, they want to write more scenes these week, but I don’t think I’ll be able to write more, I’m so busy. So many things to do. The play is just the most fun thing to do. Question, why are fragments not allowed in English grammar! It’s so annoying, in the Dutch language people don’t make such a fuss about it (I mean, people who check for grammar). But, ehm, well. I don’t really know what to write. I’m going to take a shower in a few minutes. I have a headache. I’m very tired and stressed out. But I can’t be, because I want to participate in a project for high levelled students, so my grades have to be more than perfect :(. I will never manage that, but… I WANT TO! I mean, god, they have a special project about Russia. Russia I tell you, Russia! I love Russia. Russian history. Russian alphabet. Sigh, I love it. And Dublin. I’m just a total language lover. Yeah, tutoring Latin, I’m thinking about really doing that… And exercising, I’m thinking about doing that, too. Gee, I don’t know, I first have to think if that’s possible with my inferiority problems… I’ll think about it for a while. Well, I have to learn for a history test, and read some German. So bye. XxX winterwoods

I was writing Harry/Ginny fanfiction and this came up. It's just a drabble, so no story around it... yet :p. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I wanted to give what you needed. I tried to tell you everything you wanted to hear. I just couldn’t. I’m sorry that I loved you so much I had to keep you in my life, as my little secret. I know you’re not supposed to be a secret. You’re… you. But I’m me. I want to apologise to you, but I don’t think it’s possible. I tried to go to you, to tell you how sorry I was, but they stopped me. They always do. I’m sorry, I should have tried harder. I know you think I should’ve. You always thought of me as weak and I never told you how right you were. I’m weak without you and I want you back. I’m sorry they buried you. I should have told them you wanted to be cremated. I’m so sorry that I’m such a mess, but I can’t live without you. Oh, and I decided I don't like the boy anymore, and I'm thinking about tutoring in Latin... That's it for now. XxX winterwoods