It's so funny to sit here and...look and what i've wrote. about a lover...how foolish i was...thinking that everything was perfect...and that he felt the same.

Obviously a lot happens in over a year. Who would have thought ey? Well. I pretty much got over myself for one thing. I don't talk to half the fuckin people that pissed me off so much and now I find the world to be a happier place yet a more lonely place. I found myself the love of my life. Man of my dreams. My other half. More than a best friend forever. My life long lover. My....blahblahblah. I found myself a really..more than amazing..guy. Happy with him I am. I do not like green eggs and ham. :P I am graduating in about 2 months. For a while everyone was questioning whether I'd walk with my class. I'm reading a book right now and for some odd reason I felt the need to come on here and share my feelings about it. For one- in the book titled "11 minutes"..the author has the main character (who he poorly narrates throughout the entire novel not allowing us to REALLY understand what SHE'S thinking, on top of HIM doing it..you get the picture) he has her writing a book titled "Eleven Minutes"..horrible horrible HORRIBLE idea. Take my mind out of the book completely. Then this prostitutes of course knowledge of sex is greater than most in the book but he narrates her going on and on and on when he meets this guy in a cafe about how this man is stupid and doesnt know squat about sex or what comes along with it. He has her thinking that she's the almighty prostitute and boasting about she's so much more intelligent than this man just because shes opened her legs a couple of times to pay off rent. I really got into this book at first with the "can't put it down attitude". Now he has me wanting to throw the book. But now I have to finish it to see if she continues being a prostitute, falls in love with this painter guy, or persues her 'dreams' of being a farmer. (DULL) She's really just this arrogant little shithead that honestly no longer appeals to me. *sighs* alright I'm done.

Yeah. Yesterday. baadddddd day for being me. just a lot of stuff. I really don't have any close friends in school anymore. wendy is too busy for me and we're not even talking that much anymore. I'm not even sure if she cares because it seems like she doesnt. whatever. i really dont have a lot of close friends here, and the friends i thought i did have are ....horrible mean people and it pisses me off. People just always pisses me off. again, i hate when people you love let you down. not that i've never done it but GRRRRR. i love how im posting this so that everyone can read it. i love how no one will read this. love it. haha. anyways. i still love my brandon and we're still really close. i started talking to becca more. she's so much fun. lol i miss her. i dont know. i hope everything is better after break. im afriad i'll spend break alone with brandon and nick. hopefully not. lol. but anyways. i think im gonna go cause i bitch a lot. later. peace.|/. zache.

Okay. Fourth day that i've had Fergilicious in my head. It's getting a little too ridiculous. I have to do this whole web site thing for this class. lame. who makes web sites. haha. well besides myspace. i really dont like myspace anymore. I LOVE TYLER JOHNSTON!!! check out his band www.myspace.com/vicodinloveconfession they're AMAZING and i couldn't get enough of them. class is almost out and i will update again tomorrow. later.peace|/. zache

The Way We Get By- SPOON We get high in back seats of cars We break into mobile homes We go to sleep to 'Shake Appeal' Never wake up on our own And that's the way we get by To where we get by And that's the way we get by To where we get by We go out in stormy weather We rarely practice discern We make love to 'Some Wierd Sin' We seek out the taciturn And that's the way we get by To where we get by And that's the way we get by To where we get by And that's the way we get by To where we get by To the way That's the way we get by That's the way we get by We found a new kind of dance in a magazine Tried it out it's like nothing you ever seen You sweet talk like a cop and you know it You bought a new bag of pot, said let's make a new start And that's the way to my heart To the way to my heart That's the way we get by To the way we get by That's the way we get by The the way we get by To the way And that's the way we get by And that's the way we get by We get high in back seats of cars We put faith in our concerns Fall in love to 'Down on the Street' We believe in the sum of ourselves I said that's the way we get by To where we get by And that's the way we get by To where we get by And that's the way we get by To where we get by The way And that's the way we get by And that's the way we get by ANNNDD I FREAKIN LOVE THAT SONG. dont know what it is about it. i heard it on the OC a WHILE ago and i just started listening to it again and..i just love it. my day today is okay, i write all of these entries at school andddd, there for i'm getting a 29% in the class. well....28.6% to be exact. line rider totaly kicks ass. i like watching tom play it though. i didnt really call brandon last night because....well i didnt want to. he's always talking to sophia and he never talks to me or listens to me when im on the phone, he no longer cares-- so why should i call? :S maybe thats mean but i dont feel like talking about stuff and then hearing "uhhh what?" after everything i say. on monday after i said well i think im gonna go and masturbate. "oh..yeah sounds good, go with that plan" was the reply...... .....fuck that. so anyways, besides that i dont really do anything. i call brandon, sometimes wendy and then do homework and talk to tyler or luke on the phone. yeah..it's exciting. im asking james to hang out this weekend and i hope he wants to because i kinda like him. soo yeah. im gonna go now though because we have about 5 min left and im pretty bored just typing about nothing.. later.peace|/ zache

Two completely different songs... yet i love them! :D:D Slipknot- The Nameless----- Pathetic (benign) Accept it (undermined) Your opinion (my justification) Happy (safe) Servent (caged) Malice (heart of weakness) No toleration Invade (committed) Enraged (admit it) Don't condescend (don't even disagree) Decide (decay) Dissapoint (delay) You suffered then, now suffer unto me. Obsession, take another look. Remember, every chance you took. Decide, you live with me Or give up - any thought you want to be free (Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate. Anyone (NO) Anything (YES) Anyway (FALL) Anybody (MINE) Anybody (TELL ME) I want (YOU) I need (YOU) I'll have (YOU) I won't LET ANYBODY HAVE YOU Obey (ME) Believe (ME) Just trust (ME) Worship (ME) Live for (ME) Be grateful (NOW) Be honest (NOW) Be precious (NOW) Be mine (JUST LOVE ME) Possesion (feed my only vice) Confession (i wont tell you twice) Decide - (either die for me) Or give up - any thought you want to be free. (Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you. (Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate. (Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh) Stay inside the hole, let me take control. (Dominate) You were nothing more, you were something less (innocent) Something has to give - something has to break (omnipresent) Fingers on your skin, let me savage in YOU DESERVE IT. YOU DESERVE IT. YOU DESERVE IT. YOU DESERVE IT. (Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you) (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you. (was hurting you) (Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you) (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate. You're mine (you are you are) You're mine (you are you are) You're mine YOU'RE MINE Dont know why but i absolutly love that song. yes slipknot does have ALOT of other amazing songs, but this one is fuckin rad. Drive Away- All American Rejects ------ Shes gone away (away) Still they stay together, People call me crazy, crazy. My thoughts progress (progress), Thinks about forever, My mind tells me maybe, maybe. I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met, Only believe the things I wrote, I'll put it in a note, yeah, I'll cross my T's and dot my I's, Better say hello, don't you dare say goodbye, I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name, P.S. I love you, forever and today. Two weeks have go by, (go by) Seems like it's been the weather. The rain falls down, She's crying, crying My thoughts progress, She thinks about forever, Their hearts are bound lying, lying. I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met, Only believe the things I wrote, I'll put it in a note, yea, I'll cross my T's and dot my I's, Better say hello, I'm gonna wave goodbye, I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name P.S I love you, forever and today All the heartache, all the pain, All the words you said in vain, And I'll never be the same. I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met, Only believe the things the things I wrote, I'll put it in a note, yeah , I'll cross my T's and dot my I's, Better say hello, I'm gonna wave goodbye, I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name P.S I love you, forever and today. Forever and Today Forever and Today P.S I love you, forever and today If you love new AAR, you will fucking adore old AAR. yes the band has awesome lyrics and sick ass vocals by Tylson (heart). but i just love their old CD WAY WAY better. it's more deep and doesn't sound so ....i dont know...record label. i do love both of the songs. i do love both of the bands. The songs really just let me express my feelings lately. sophia and brandon got back together. it wont last long..im hoping. luke pretty much is in love with me and wants to date me. whatever i love chris because he gets me through my days when it's the hardest. he's wise, caring, funny, sweet. he's like the brother i always wanted :). well this day was okay, im just excited to go home. everyone in eighth hour is playing line rider, it's fun to watch them. i still feel like im alone i just wish that could change. i hope it does soon because it's getting worse and worse each day. i miss having someone there for me. :(. later. peace |/ zache

soooo. brandon and sophia broke up. who knows that could change today though. apparently Luke fell in love with me. but who hasnt? brandon and i are really really close right now and it feels really good. wendy and andy are doing well and i am really happy for her. i dont know....nothing else is really new. i still email chris who i met on here, i love hearing from him..he just really cheers me up. he helps me out a lot with everything and i love'im. thats all for today i think. later.peace|/. zache

I'm in eighth hour again and of course..it was a long day. a lot has changed. wendy is going out with this guy and always ditches me. whatever. brandon has a stalker from denver (sophia) who i hate. shes so.....fucking weird. haha. there really is no way else to put it. she wants to marry him, she "gave her heart to him"....he's awesome and everything but..not that awesome lol. of course im jealous a little bit but..who wouldnt be? thats not it though, i'd rather have him find a girl here that wasnt obsessed with him. she talks to him all the time and he never goes out to do anything because he's always at home talking to her online. during thanksgiving he was in minnesota, and he was online practically the whole time because of her. yeah him and i were close before we met too, like we talked online all the time, but i wasnt that obsessed with him. it's ridiculous. i just dont know what else to do. little beth and i became closer this year. i love her. we have study hall together and the musical went great. i am closer to ryan and justin and the whole bunch. it's a lot of fun being with that group. i started talking to this one guy luke from texas yesterday and i met keith online this weekend too. sooo..new boys i guess. well new interesting guys. guys here are too...blah. im getting an electric guitar for christmas. i dont care what anyone says haha. i gotta go. later.peace.|/ zache.

Yeah..so when we were at allison's 18th birthday bonfire. shandi decided to back stab me :O...well somehow im not too surprised. after all the times i told her that i can only trust brandon. after i poured my heart out saying that i hated even hearing about other girls from brandon. she fuckin let it happen. he only put his arms aroudn her but the thing is- is she let it happen. and then she lied about it the next day saying that she wouldnt call him or text him or talk to him because she "couldnt ever do that to me" which is comeplete bull shit. she texted him and i finally told brandon how i felt. i told him i felt like he doesnt care about me or our friendship. then he told shandi that he couldnt do anything with her and shit like that. i dont know. just lately something always has to be wrong with my friends. thats the downfall about having friends in every group. seperate groups. seperate problems. seperate drama. and to this day she still denies that she texted him. yeah its only a text, it's only an arm around the shoulder. but thats just how it starts. not only is it hard for me to see brandon with other girls but seeing him with someone like shandi would kill even more. then he stops talking to me so much and he'd never come into town to see me it'd be to see shandi and then i'd never get to see him even and it's just never good. im just so worried i want everthing to stay the same with brandon and i. i know im really attatched and yeah i know..im pretty addicted to him. i just dont know how to break it. not calling him is just suicidal.(haha) i dk what else to do. brandons the only one that i can trust. brandon is the only one i need. brandon is seriously my best friend and i hope it stays that way. i can only hope though. later.peace.|/. zache.

homecoming wasnt the greatest. i guess brandon was "driving like an ass hole" according to wendy and kayla. brandon was driving corey and i; kayla was driving with wendy. brandon passed them and apparently like i said was "driving like an asshole". whatever. its hard to think that in that one week like 8 of my friendships fell apart. Wendy said that she needed space and that i shouldnt wait around for her. then i reminded her that we're not going out. i cant really trust anyone right now. not kenzie, not kayla, not corey, not allison, not nick, not wendy. not anyone. i get fucked over by the ppl that i trust the most. i hate when people you love let you down. after homecoming everything between brandon and i became a lot better. cept he likes some chick in his gym class. very upsetting. haha. i hate seeing him with any girl though. even this girl thats one of his best friends i get jealous if he talks about her. Brandon is the only person that i can fully 100% trust. it's sad. he said that im afraid of getting attatched and stuff when really he's the one im attatched to. scary. he's coming to see me tomorrow and im getting the pictures from homecoming developed tonight after school so i am very very excited. haha. i gotta run. later.peace.|/. zache