if i were to count the moments where this high spirits fall flat so fast into deep pits, i would have lost count. if you only know how much hurt you have given me. yet, i still adore you. yet, i still love you. yet, i still yearn for you. couldnt you be more right? more perfect? maybe then, i might just start to hate you. maybe then, i would just get over you. maybe then, i could sleep tonight. maybe then, i would be fine. just fine.

what a silly song Ms P asked me to download. hah. okay it is not silly. but god, i feel shitty. but yeah, for what its worth, i love you. and what is worse? i really do.

there are so many people. who say better things than you. who are there more than you. who makes me laugh more than you. who loves me more than you. but there is only you. i lie only for you. for you.

all i needed was one silly phone call from you and i can get through the day much easier. but erks! is that all you can ask me?! "oh is --- online?" urgh. wtf you! oh well, the no-perks of being a wallpaper. ah ah ah. i must say, i cant stand it when you laugh. hah. i will fall and melt into thin air. you are... my hot hot heat.

i miss you so easily

if i were to count how many times i thought of you in a day, even if i had ten hands, i would have lost count. if i were to count how many times i wanted to say your name in a day, even if i had ten hands, i would have lost count. so many times, i almost said it to you. so many times, i almost gave up. so many times, i almost gave in. so many times, i almost surrenderred. so many times. so many times. too many times.

i cant live without you. well... ... actually, i can. its just that i dont want to. i was so restless last night becos for the whole day i hadnt heard from you. all i got was one sms a little past noon. it got me smiling, no worries. but i needed more. goddammit, no one ever made me feel like this. restless like this. weak and pathetic like this. i surrender. i surrender.

so do you remember monday? oh, god. i was soooooooooooooooooo like, i dont know. blushing? i was like, "oh my freaking god, i cant believe i am actually here." like Ms P. said, at least, i get to be where you are. but, its not that you really really want me there. will i ever get into your heart? cos, honestly, im not that happy just to hang around. mm hmm.

i was waiting for your come back. and i got it. you always manage to come back, in time. in time.

i dreamt of you today. we were supposed to get married? hah. we were only 18, i think. we were supposed to get married in some hotel or something. then, i saw you going down the stairs with some girl in hand. smiling and laughing. i was hurt. i was mad. i came to you and told you how mad i was. how hurt i was. and told you, i really loved you. and i want this to work. only then you realised, how much i do. but we both know we were not ready then. so we gave each other a shot. finally, and officially, we were together. as a couple. hah. if only. dreams are only dreams. but i really love you.