This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes
I threw them to sea, but a gust blew them backwards
And the sting in my eyes, which you then inflicted
Was par for the course, just as when you were living
It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father
But a donor of seeds to a poor single mother
That would raise us alone, we never saw the money
That went down your throat through the hole in your belly
Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner
At the Catholic church, the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plaguing the others
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables
Charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And I'm thinking of you, I do every year
When we count all our blessings and wonder what we're doing here
You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
And I'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet
You can deck out a lie in a suit, but I won't buy it
I won't join in the procession that's speaking their piece
Using five-dollar words while praising his integrity
And just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change the fact
He was a bastard in life, thus, a bastard in death, yeah
I threw them to sea, but a gust blew them backwards
And the sting in my eyes, which you then inflicted
Was par for the course, just as when you were living
It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father
But a donor of seeds to a poor single mother
That would raise us alone, we never saw the money
That went down your throat through the hole in your belly
Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner
At the Catholic church, the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plaguing the others
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables
Charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And I'm thinking of you, I do every year
When we count all our blessings and wonder what we're doing here
You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
And I'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet
You can deck out a lie in a suit, but I won't buy it
I won't join in the procession that's speaking their piece
Using five-dollar words while praising his integrity
And just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change the fact
He was a bastard in life, thus, a bastard in death, yeah
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I think your first comment is closer to being accurate. The singer/song writers state "Millions of eyes can see, yet why am i so blind!? When the someone else is me, its unkind its unkind". I believe hes referring to the girl toying with him and using him. He wants something deeper with her, thats why he allows himself to be as a puppet (even though for her fun and games) as long as it makes her happy. But he knows deep down that she doesnt really want to be serious with him and thats what makes him.
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this song is so amazing. i have nothing else to say. I'm speechless