Ladies and Gentleman, the Mayor of New York

Good morning. It's been brought to my attention that many rap artists claim that they run New York, but this is not the case
In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like
Please excuse the profanity in advance

Hit it

All right, New York!

New York, big city of dreams, and you know that I run this town (I run it!)
The king of the streets, dressed in concrete, skyscrapers on my crown! (I'm the king!)
So if you want this Big Apple, come try to take a bite! (C'mon!)
Because I run this motherfucking city and I won't give it up without a fight!

Yo, I run New York, it's a pain in the ass!
The city's crowded as fuck and it's covered in trash!

And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face
Another transit strike? Aw, fucking great!

I can't wait
To have another meeting with the labor union
So the mob can bend me over
And then shove their fucking shoe in

So I do it
So you can sip your pumpkin latté
I literally run New York and it's exhausting!

I run New York
It's a fucking headache
It really wears you down! (It sucks!)

In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit
It's a miracle I don't drown!

I (double) literally run New York
I run the marathon
Plus I organized it
So I double-run the marathon!

But no one seems to give a fuck that I'm a paragon
Instead they Photoshop me so
It's looking like I wear a thong
And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone

I went to the Knicks game, and
They booed me on the Jumbotron!

Excuse me
For trying to help you
They won't be satisfied until I'm
Locked up in Bellevue

I guess they don't tell you
This job sucks dick
I run New York and it feels like shit!

The Chief of Police is a major bully
He laughs at my ideas (He's a jerk!)

He made fun of my tie last week
And I had to fight back tears!

Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit
Because I spend every day getting punched in the dick

But at night
I travel down into the subway
Wearing chain mail, locked and loaded for gunplay

And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats!
If I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that?!

I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one
That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun
Because on the equinox, a Hell Gate springs
Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings

And no one even knows!
They just think I'm a dork
But I still kill those fucking dogs, because
I run New York!

I run New York, it's a shitty gig
There's no overtime in my pay (Bullshit!)
I asked this city for a fucking bonus
And they said, "No fucking way!" (Unreal!)

So rotten is this Big Apple
It's crawling with worms inside! (Come on!)
But I run this motherfucking shithole city
And it makes me wanna die!

I run New York!

Thank you

Lyrics submitted by Mellow_Harsher

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