Disappear Always

@juarez122191 What an amazing heartfelt comment. I can relate with you to a certain extent, and I actually found this artist through my ex. <br /> <br /> Like what you went through, me and my ex split up. It wasn’t what I wanted either, I was holding on to the past and good times of our relationship and our potential together. I didn’t realize all the mental pain she was causing me because I was still in love with her. I thought that she was just healing from the troubles she had in her past and childhood, I wanted to be there for her and by her side through her healing, but in doing so I was allowing myself to get hurt by her. <br /> <br /> I can relate that when I was with her I felt complete. The warmth, love and comfort we gave each other felt a lot like how this song and album makes me feel. But things happened, we split up and I know she’s changed and if we were to talk again I would see her as a stranger. I miss her as well, but in a nostalgic way. Not in a way that I’d want her back. <br /> <br /> The months after the breakup were rough for me too. It also didn’t help that it was right when the winter started, as well as having work and school. All I would think about was her and what went wrong but also what could have been. I had so many questions but couldn’t talk to her. We never really talked things out at the end. So the abruptness of the breakup also made my mind ask so many questions and look for so many answers. All of the things she said she wanted to do with me, get married, have kids, grow old together, go there, do this, do that. What was I supposed to make of all that? Nothing? Just throw away a whole potential future life I was looking forward to like it was nothing? <br /> <br /> Once I started to hang out with friends more and go out and do more things it helped me move past her. It also helped that my closest friend had also just gotten out of a long term relationship, so we were able to talk about things and relate to one another. <br /> <br /> Months have gone by and things have definitely improved. I still think about her but not in the same way I used to. I’ve realized why things ended and why it was best for them too. But I still have some negative thoughts which I know will go away and improve over time. I still feel a slight emptiness from everything and also find it hard to feel for someone else. I think part of that is also me subconsciously trying to protect myself from being heartbroken again. But I know when I did fall in love I didn’t set expectations or try to protect myself. I let things be and enjoyed them in the moment. <br /> <br /> I can relate with you that now when I think of her and our relationship, I’m grateful for what I experienced and for the love I received and gave. I try to remain optimistic that I will find love again with someone else. I can’t wait for that day to come and I know when it does, everything that I went through and all the time I waited for it will be worth it. <br /> <br /> I’ve also looked into psychedelics for the better part of 2 years, they really interest me. So I have some and have for a while, but I’m not in a rush to use them and I will when the time is right. I’m optimistic that the experience I get from them will be beneficial for myself. <br /> I wasn’t with my ex for as long as you were, so I can’t begin to imagine the heartache, mental and physical battle you went through but I can relate to a lot of what you experienced. I hope you’re doing well and found love again :)