My Cat Is Afraid Of The Vacuum Cleaner

My cat is afraid of the vacuum cleaner
The way it goes, "Vroom, vroom, vroom"
Vroom, vroom, vroom
Vroom, vroom, vroom

My cat is afraid of the vacuum cleaner
The way it goes "Vroom, vroom, vroom".
And the way it makes calls in the middle of the night
To shadowy men with underworld connections
It's conversations sound innocent enough,
But then, why is it whispering
And saying things that are obviously codes
Like, "Go to the laundry and pick up my shorts"?
It's a vacuum cleaner, it doesn't wear shorts.
But it does have a secret hidden room
Full of instruments of torture from ancient times
That were stolen from a little-known Idaho museum.
And on the wall in the secret room
Is a picture of actor Anthony Hopkins
Taken from the movie "Silence of the Lambs",
The one where he wears the scary mask.
And next to the picture of Anthony Hopkins
Is a picture of the vacuum cleaner
In the same scary mask, but a smaller version.
It's cute in a way, but in other ways no.
And also on the walls are some scribbled words.
Incoherent paranoid rants
Written in a language called Vacuumese
Derived from French and the operating manual
Of a 1972 Electrolux.
And what is written on those walls
In the language known as Vacuumese
Sends icy chills up my little cat's spine
And makes it toss and turn at night.
But the thing about the vacuum cleaner
That scares my cat the very most,
That makes it wake in a cold, cold sweat
And haunts its days and haunts its nights
And makes it jump at the slightest noise...

Is the way it goes, "Vroom, vroom, vroom".
Vroom, vroom, vroom
Vroom, vroom, vroom
Vroom, vroom, vroom