This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
i conquered my own childhood silence and now the world is my lit confessional marquee,
but it'd take a busload of high school soccer girls to wash those hospitals off me
oh, am i clean?
nineteen.
they said sex will keep you young and make you older at the same time,
they said sex will have left you aged normally,
and so i guess it's sorta like smoking and walking at the same time
in that it will have left you aged normally
oh, am i clean?
lord, please, why me?
i wish i could feel close to somebody but i don't feel nothing.
now they say i need to quit doing all this random ffff-
now i think my upstairs neighbor hears me masturbating,
and there's other one's peeping through the slits in my curtains
and i never got a name for my shady compulsion
'cause i messed up and kissed my shrink in a jersey city hotel room..
and i know saying all this in public should make me feel funny,
but ya gotta yell something out you'd never tell nobody.
we found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on cortelyou place,
how many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?
we found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on cortelyou place,
how many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?
oh, am i clean?
lord, please, why me?
but it'd take a busload of high school soccer girls to wash those hospitals off me
oh, am i clean?
nineteen.
they said sex will keep you young and make you older at the same time,
they said sex will have left you aged normally,
and so i guess it's sorta like smoking and walking at the same time
in that it will have left you aged normally
oh, am i clean?
lord, please, why me?
i wish i could feel close to somebody but i don't feel nothing.
now they say i need to quit doing all this random ffff-
now i think my upstairs neighbor hears me masturbating,
and there's other one's peeping through the slits in my curtains
and i never got a name for my shady compulsion
'cause i messed up and kissed my shrink in a jersey city hotel room..
and i know saying all this in public should make me feel funny,
but ya gotta yell something out you'd never tell nobody.
we found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on cortelyou place,
how many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?
we found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on cortelyou place,
how many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?
oh, am i clean?
lord, please, why me?
Lyrics submitted by shitscold
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!
More Featured Meanings
The Night We Met
Lord Huron
Lord Huron
Blue
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran
“Blue” is a song about a love that is persisting in the discomfort of the person experiencing the emotion. Ed Sheeran reflects on love lost, and although he wishes his former partner find happiness, he cannot but admit his feelings are still very much there. He expresses the realization that he might never find another on this stringed instrumental by Aaron Dessner.
American Town
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran shares a short story of reconnecting with an old flame on “American Town.” The track is about a holiday Ed Sheeran spends with his countrywoman who resides in America. The two are back together after a long period apart, and get around to enjoying a bunch of fun activities while rekindling the flames of their romance.
Page
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran
There aren’t many things that’ll hurt more than giving love a chance against your better judgement only to have your heart crushed yet again. Ed Sheeran tells such a story on “Page.” On this track, he is devastated to have lost his lover and even more saddened by the feeling that he may never move on from this.
Plastic Bag
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran
“Plastic Bag” is a song about searching for an escape from personal problems and hoping to find it in the lively atmosphere of a Saturday night party. Ed Sheeran tells the story of his friend and the myriad of troubles he is going through. Unable to find any solutions, this friend seeks a last resort in a party and the vanity that comes with it.
“I overthink and have trouble sleepin’ / All purpose gone and don’t have a reason / And there’s no doctor to stop this bleedin’ / So I left home and jumped in the deep end,” Ed Sheeran sings in verse one. He continues by adding that this person is feeling the weight of having disappointed his father and doesn’t have any friends to rely on in this difficult moment. In the second verse, Ed sings about the role of grief in his friend’s plight and his dwindling faith in prayer. “Saturday night is givin’ me a reason to rely on the strobe lights / The lifeline of a promise in a shot glass, and I’ll take that / If you’re givin’ out love from a plastic bag,” Ed sings on the chorus, as his friend turns to new vices in hopes of feeling better.
Brilliant song. Seems a bit like he's fascinated by the contrast between his nobody days and his new position on the podium... especially when he still feels like the old guy. When people try to get close to him, they can be sucked into the shadow of his being... like a fox in a bush that gets discovered after the fact. I'm 5% confident in all this.
I think you pretty much got it. I read the verses <br /> <br /> "we found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on cortelyou place,<br /> how many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?"<br /> <br /> a bit more literally. Given the earlier parts of the song, where he talks about his promiscuity so explicitly, I read "how many got lost" as referring to women he bonded with emotionally and actually slept with (as opposed to what your reading seems to be: people of both sexes who he bonded with emotionally) and then left behind. <br /> <br /> Either way, he's concerned that he's been too reckless with his affection, that he'd unintentionally led people to believe that they could have a deeper and more lasting relationship with him.
One of the greatest songs so far in my opinion
"Oh am I clean? Nineteen They said sex will keep you young and make you older at the same time They said sex will have left you aged normally"
On Yoni's podcast he mentions that he lost his virginity at 19. I think that may be the premise for the song. The "Am I clean" line could be interpreted in a number of ways. Maybe he felt morally filthy after having sex, especially if he just did it to do it and not be virgin anymore. It could also have a double meaning with him being a virgin feeling like a weight on his shoulders, like some baggage he'd been carrying around for too long and after shedding it all off, asks if he's finally clean. Which would make sense with all the pressure our society and culture place on men to be hypersexual in their teenage years.
The childhood silence could just be referencing an absence of sex while growing up. However, on his podcast he also talks about how he was very shy and quite as a kid. Perhaps having sex was something that helped him come out of his shell. And maybe that lead to him being able to better express himself/get some of the deeper, darker shit off his chest -- which is actually one of the reasons why I really admire his work. Not all, but many artists' -- especially hip-hop artists/rappers -- lyrics seem to build up their egos, while Yoni's is usually tearing his down, talking about things like hair loss, disease, porn/masturbation, shame/depression, psychological disorders, etc.
There's just this realness and sincerity to Yoni that's very hard to come by. You can tell that, for him, music is usually more for therapeutic purposes than it is for entertainment or business.
early favorite from the album
Lovin' this.
It should be "Matchbox cars"
thanks, typed it up so fast i didn't even notice that typo
High school sucker girls?
Also, great job with getting all the lyrics for the new album up so quickly. Really makes the album so much better when you read along. Thanks!
I too thought it was sucker but i think it gets the same point across either way
I got sort of a 50's doo-wop vibe from the beginning, anyone else?
Yeah I got that too. I love the beginning.
During that whole mid section prior to "We Found..." does anyone else think that Yoni is sounding uncannily like Avey Tare from Animal Collective? For a second I thought they had gotten him to cameo!
Kind of obvious, but the last section references the song Dream On Cortelyou from Oaklandazulasylum.
i think both are referencing cortelyou place, which is a street in cincinnati