Welcome Home

That was my first interpretation of the line "Here, beneath my lungs, I feel your thumbs press into my skin again"<br />

While at first I strongly related to the whole lost-love theory, and still do, now I definitely can see it differently. <br /> <br /> I didn't think this song could possibly be more heartbreaking, but damn. I identify so much with your interpretation - I'm going to be making a trip back home to see some family in a few months, and I'm dreading the onslaught of bittersweet nostalgia, because it's almost always accompanied by plain old ugly bitterness.<br /> <br /> On one hand it does make me feel safe, warm, welcome. I mean - these are the people who really know me, this is the place that made me who I've become for better or worse. On the other, just...no. So many regrets, so many painful memories. And at the same time I find myself struggling to hold onto them, because there's good there, too. <br /> <br /> I have to fight the unwanted pangs of happiness even harder than the moments of sadness. Because those are the ones that hurt the most when they inevitably evaporate within the span of a second. That barely-there, nearly-worn-away person I used to be, dances around the spotlight and haunts the edges of the stage. <br /> <br /> My family has changed so much yet they are exactly as I remember, or at least how I imagine they used to be, because now I'm not sure how skewed my perceptions are. How different they might actually be. If I even saw who they really were way back then. If they even saw who I was.<br /> <br /> Home is such a weird place to be.

@HandForTender - <br /> "Sleep don't visit, so I choke on sun<br /> And the days blur into one<br /> And the backs of my eyes hum with things I've never done" - This is quite honestly the only verse in the song that I have a problem with making sense of...<br /> <br /> I don't know what the writer was saying, but as a listener I was hearing a relatable description of using drugs. In recovery programs, newcomers to anonymous meetings are given a chip and a hug, and very often the meeting chair says "welcome home" as they literally embrace the newcomer. Many stimulant drugs (both legal and prescription, such as those intended to treat narcolepsy or ADD) can let you go a couple days on no sleep. From my personal perspective, I'd think I was "up late" studying, and when I'd see light coming through my windows my heart would sink as I realized it was already tomorrow and I was starting the day, ready or not. Most embarrassingly, I would catch myself talking about doing something "yesterday" and the other person would say "that was two days ago." Because I had not allowed each day to have a beginning and an end, they literally blurred into one day.<br /> <br /> The backs of your eyes, where your stimulant-induced brilliance takes place, are often just ideas that you never follow through with (on many stimulants). Another thing taking place in that spazmatic brain is--in the case of many amphetamines--hallucination, delusion, and other shit that looks identical to Schizophrenia, which doctors have dubbed "Stimulant-induced psychosis." <br /> <br /> During a recovery program, one of the twelve steps is the directive requiring the individual to unload all past wrongdoings (mostly secrets) to another human being. The feeling has been described to me in many ways by those in recovery, and while "ships launching from one's chest" was never one of those descriptions, I believe it very well could have been from the accounts I've heard.<br /> <br /> The beauty of music of such genuine quality, is that this could have actually been about the writer planting his first backyard garden and his emotional reaction to that, where someone conquering an addiction hears--and relates entirely to--the exact same string of words. That's the divine in music.