If You're a Wizard Then Why Do You Wear Glasses?

I think there is meaning behind every song on this album, including this one. First of all this album is not just about witches, its about the unjustified crimes against women accused of witchcraft.

Times were tough, their was fasmine and dissease, and the weather could be unexpectedly harsh. Many Women at this time were like nurses, experimenting with herbs and other things for healing purpuses. But the townspeople started thinking it was strange that a woman was spending all her time collecting various plants and they considered her healing powers unnatural and assumed it must be the work of the devil. They ignorred the benifits of her knowledge of medicine and blamed her for everyones illness and bad weather. Soon Any woman who lived alone or was interested in medicine was convicted of witchcraft.

I beleive the title "if you are a wizard then why do you wear glasses" is a metaphor to the fact that woman were accused of witchcraft but if they were witches why couldn't they use their witchcraft to save themselves during the witch trials. During the witch trials they ultimately determined wheather someone was a witch or not by throwing them into a pool of water and if they drowned they were a witch because they assumed god would make them float if they were pure. their is also a line in song #9 on the album where they say "if she's a witch she won't drown" again this refers to the fact that these woman did not possess any unnatural powers. so the song title refers to the fact that wizards and witches do not exist and never did.

I beleive this song is like a story, half of the lyrics in this song are from the perspecive of the townspeople and the other half are from the perspective of the "girl"

a girl is in the bushes collecting herbs, because her mother is sick "Out of the bushes"
"a girl" the townspeople see the girl in the bushes. they assume she's a witch because normal girls don't hangout in the bushes. She could have had a perfctly legitimate reason for being in the bushes, maybe she was collecting herbs to help her mother recover from illness or maybe she was just using the bathroom. Regardless of her reasons for being there she has now been accused of being a witch.

"It's geting cold outside" The weather has not been so good in town lately, and so the townspeople now blame the girl for the bad weather.

The girl returns home from the bushes, and prepares a mixed herb medicine for her mother. "i would drink the water" I beleive this is what the girl says to her mother. At this point the girl knows she has been accused of witchcraft and it's only a matter of time before the townspeople act against her; this is evident in the progessively nervous lyrics.

A group of townspeople have now formed outside the house, and are preparing to break down the door. "WE CAN BREAK IT DOWN WITCHES!" The townspeople are breaking down the door and trying to aresst the girl and her mother for crimes of witchcraft. but they recognize some of the voices, the girl's father and brother are part of the mob against them. "we can break it down witches" "thats what your father said" "thats what your brother Said"

This song is a sad story about the crimes against family and neighbors, because of something completely unlogical. if they were wizards they wouldn't need to wear glasses.