I was there at the cattle fair
Where lump fairies swear at glories far beyond the fabric that she wears
He said 'do you want a chair?'
I'd join him anywhere!
A hole in ground in this theater I found
J.C.'s infernal horde
They caper, they banter, forming human pyramids
All to please their infernal lord
Woah! His name is Jacques Cousteau
A pussy and I know you know
I know you know and there he goes
He goes and grows, oh gosh he knows
Aboard the Calypso
The foam beside and a burly sea to ride
All spell goodness for the master of the whirling pimple tide
He tried and pried until the rusty hinges sighed
Then he stepped inside
He found her there swimming in her seaweed hair
Looking vaguely like a lover who had hung herself with underwear
Phosphorescent green and the sex act made obscene
In Jacques' galleon of hatred this wrinkled Frenchman is a
Living god!!!
Cousteau you know where the dying dolphins go
And the wasteland ever growing never slowing till it's far below
Put it on your TV show
And let the humans know!!!
Where lump fairies swear at glories far beyond the fabric that she wears
He said 'do you want a chair?'
I'd join him anywhere!
A hole in ground in this theater I found
J.C.'s infernal horde
They caper, they banter, forming human pyramids
All to please their infernal lord
Woah! His name is Jacques Cousteau
A pussy and I know you know
I know you know and there he goes
He goes and grows, oh gosh he knows
Aboard the Calypso
The foam beside and a burly sea to ride
All spell goodness for the master of the whirling pimple tide
He tried and pried until the rusty hinges sighed
Then he stepped inside
He found her there swimming in her seaweed hair
Looking vaguely like a lover who had hung herself with underwear
Phosphorescent green and the sex act made obscene
In Jacques' galleon of hatred this wrinkled Frenchman is a
Living god!!!
Cousteau you know where the dying dolphins go
And the wasteland ever growing never slowing till it's far below
Put it on your TV show
And let the humans know!!!
Lyrics submitted by black_cow_of_death
Je M'Appelle J. Cousteau Lyrics as written by Gwar Gwar
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
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A rarity in GWAR's songbook, a tune that actually CELEBRATES the life of a mortal human: oceanographer and superman Jacques-Yves Cousteau (11 June 1910 – 25 June 1997).
This tour de force is as close to a Homerian epic as Odorus & the boys got in the early days. How can you possibly beat lyrics like "Phosphorescent green and the sex act made obscene, in Jacques' galleon of hatred this wrinkled Frenchman is a living god!"? You set the bar high, my dearly departed Brockie! Jacques must have really inspired you! (One can only imagine the adventures these two are sharing in Valhalla!)
And yet, they have yet to be inducted into the singer/songwriter hall of fame (the injustice).
There is a subtext behind the forming of human pyramids, which is explored in JJ Cummings' thesis paper published out of Yale University (since redacted after the CIA intervened) which links the lost city of Atlantis to a shaving mirror found on the moon in 1970-71, and the unexplained appearance of sea cows in the great lakes (heavily censored in the press at the time).
Some trivia: Supposedly Van Halen recorded this song not once, but FOUR times, with six different singers - Sammy Hagar, David Lee Roth, Gary Cherone, Gary Coleman, Mitch Malloy, and Patty Smythe all took a shot, but Warner Bros. refused to release it. The tapes are rumored to be in storage, perhaps to be included in a boxed set of rarities.
Notes:
All about the wrinkled Frenchman:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Cousteau
A gentle introduction for kids (to Costeau - no such introduction exists for GWAR):
youtube.com/watch
Film of Him in action:
youtube.com/playlist
youtube.com/watch
The Incredible Calypso: Jacques Cousteau's Crazy Exploration Vessel:
youtube.com/watch
He invented scuba diving too?:
youtube.com/watch
Did Costeau happen upon GWAR's frozen resting place and wake them from their suspended animation? You decide:
youtube.com/watch
Costeau on Atlantis and cognac and more:
youtube.com/watch
More Costeau: m.youtube.com/watch
m.youtube.com/watch
m.youtube.com/watch m
m.youtube.com/watch
The ocean is really a weird place:
youtube.com/watch