Evil Warning

You want to stop hating yourself. For starters. STOP. Don't EVER say you HATE yourself! Don't EVER say you're a Freak, or stupid, or ugly. You are YOU! accept that.

No one respects anyone with no respect for themselves. And anyone who used to have no respect for themselves won't either. Those people are like me. You want to know why? Because we want you to respect yourself to earn our respect. I knew a guy who was a nervous, social outcast, wreck. He used to Talk about ended his problems with his life, And every time i said "You kill yourself' And I won't ever respect you." I helped him with his problems with advise of how i got though the same stuff. After 2 months with me he didn't really care about fitting in anymore and was much happier because of it. After 5 I didn't hear a single thought of suicide. I haven't talked to him in awhile but I'm sure he's alive even if he still has problems.

Now whatever you made of that paragraph, I may seem harsh or rude but that's how i helped him. Telling experiences of my life to give advice of how to deal with the same problem. Or in this case telling you an experience where i helped someone with your problems. Unpopular, outcast, not fashionable, not good looking, self-loathing, suicidal, and turning to the internet to avoid talking to real people. If you read this reply tell me how many of those match up to yourself, and be as BRUTALLY HONEST to your as you can. It may be saddening, but you should never sugarcoat, underplay, overplay, or lie to yourself. Don't take everything I say at face value, or in a harsh way, But NEVER LIE TO YOURSELF! Trust me on that.

I may have read you're comment completely by luck and I have absolutely no idea who you are, but i know what it's like to think yourself insane, stupid, awkward, hate yourself, and even thinking you're better off dead. I'm not even 20 but if I'd given up and Off'ed myself when i couldn't stand life anymore, I won't have pasted 15. And now I laugh at how stupid I was for ever even Considering tying a noose.

My life isn't that great I've got a literal handful (less then 5) of people I truly count as friends. The more people you qualify as friends, the lower your standards have to be. Facebook's a perfect example. Some people have 400 but only know 3. the same is true with this. You can say you have a dozen friends but how many will loan you 10 bucks, keep your secrets, or drive 10 minutes to pick you up if you need time away from your family. those are friends. acquaintances are fine, buddy are fine, BUT have high standards for friends. If you don't have any, good, that also means you haven't made any mistake. And as for the example, I've done all three of those for 2 different friends.

Boy/Girlfriends aren't all there cracked up to be. I won't say you don't need one But i will say you shouldn't ever be desperate. Always remember this, the harder it is to get a boy/girlfriend the the more they actually like and/or respect you. If ever get one, don't be clingy, but don't be like me. Don't assume they understand you, you'll only be disappointing. Listen to them. If it's worry's, get there mind off it. Sadness, offer sympathy. Life Problems. The secret to help someone with a life problem is LISTENING. Then and only then you should give advice if it happened to you. (Like I'm doing for this journal entry) If it hasn't then offer to help, BUT don't make shallow promise or fail to follow though. in fact make NO promises but help if you can. As for the don't be like me part. I had a girlfriend once, but only because she was the first girl who didn't avoid the boy who got expelled for a hit-list. AKA ME (And that was a threat to kill myself, not my enemy's.) I had no feelings for her, no want of a relationship, but i asked. (but only because she told me she wanted to go out.) We broke up because it was going nowhere and she moved for collage. We're still friends, but I have no real special moments with her, not even the prom photo on my dresser holds a special place in my mind or heart. I mean this. Don't do it because they what it, and you just don't care. It will be worthless in the end.

Don't worry about diets you can lose weight without them and diets don't remove fat they remove the proteins that make fat and muscle. (It requires the same proteins) Causing the body to eat away at the fat and muscle you presently have. They make you feel hungry because the Required proteins that keep you feeling full aren't in the amounts you need, but more important then that you need some degree of exercise. If you aren't then the protein you are getting will be turned into fat and you'll have done nothing but lose muscle when you stop. A good diets don't remove fat, it breaks down your fat and turns it to muscle. If you don't think I'm right but i weigh only 137 because i don't eat enough and i do pull-ups and push-ups on my stair case. Not because I'm on a diet, But because it follows the same principle, Not enough protein + exercise. (At my heaviest i was 154.) Hope this helps.

You've been in the mental ward. Cool we have that in common. I got 3 days for the hit list AKA "death-threats". (If there was any threats there then they'd be dead. so I'm confident i wound have kill anyone besides me.) Important fact while i hated every minute of the expulsion, mental ward, group therapy, and the 14 follow up days, I met one possible friend that i only knew for 10 days. But here's some real advice. NO ONE is more understanding them an group of kids that cut themselves or tried to hang themselves or etc. NO ONE. They have problems as bad or worst. they will understand yours, even the ones like you and me, who never wanted to say a word, will understand. Trust me.

I also have Asperger's. Asperger's Syndrome is just a subcategory of the Autism Spectrum. Autism is any weirdness in a brain structure. It's effect can be widely varied, to a large range of degrees. If you think it's uncommon, WRONG. They say about 1% of the population has autism, Personally i think its more like 99.99%. But if you wish to use official statistics them you can always reverse them and say that 99% of the world is autistic and 1% are normal. Your choice. I said they effects are widely varied. Know anyone with Photographic memory, obsession, always moving some part of their body, Extreme depression, Extreme happiness, furry lover, or even batman himself. Them them the bad news. (No I'm not joking, Batman has hero syndrome. Look it up.) Asperger's is just anything to do with your social life. Extreme happiness and depression, Repeating thing to yourself (One of my thing actually), easily scared, compulsive, Quick thinking, ADHA, Unable to spot emotion, the ability to read anybody based on body language, (I meet a kid at school with that, it's amazing but scary he could just know that from how you sit.) Those are all in this, some positive, some negative. Being a pathological liar is here, but so is being incapable of telling a lie. I'm sorry you lost 5 mouths of your life to lack of privacy, bad food, and doctor and psychiatrists who don't even understand your problem, just to find out there a medical word for pretty much every problem on the planet. It's a waste of time, you probably knew all your problems before setting foot in the unit, just not the name. BUT don't assume a label makes you anything, least of all crazy. Psychiatrists are stupid, they label you will something tat could describe any random person, but they don't listen to you, they never find out what the problem is, and don't ever help fix the problem.

But there's on even greater problem you have to deal with. You have to realize you're NOT insane. You're in for cutting. well guess what reliving stress has to happen some how, and despite what any may think, pain is one of the if not THE best way. Pain gets you mind of the problem, it gets your blood flowing, It causes an Adrenalin rush, to remove pain and many other emotions, it gets you muscles active, blood flow and muscles activity makes you happy, Pain is a lot like a stress reveling run only better, and it gets your mind focused to boot.

Now I'm going to tell you the most true statement you've NEVER heard. I came up with this myself. 'True sanity is realizing you are insane.' It has several meanings but for now it means, 'any who think they're normal is actually crazy', 'it doesn't matter if they think you're crazy, they are too', and 'It don't matter if you have some problem, it's what you do with it'.

That last one is the most important of the 3. He's an example, if you have perfect recall (the ability to remember anything from your entire life perfectly.) you can use that to either, A. Report a criminal sighting that's had done something in your past but was never caught. or B. Skim your sisters diary for just a few seconds them post everything your saw on face book a month later. What will you do with or about your problem? You can't easily talk to new people or something right? You need to beat that problem. So use the fact you want to get past your problem as motivation to talk to someone. Someone new preferably but anyone will do. If you do it once remember that an use it to do it again, and again. eventually, like me, your won't remember not wanting to talk to people. (Took me 3 years though. So take your time, BUT DON'T put it off.)

weak-willed eh? You, me, and the rest of the world. I've never been able to follow this advice but you should try to. If you start something, FINISH IT! I do creative writing but i stopped for a month and couldn't get restarted yet. Do you want to be a weak like that? NO. Just remember that and say if you just need motivation. My advice has helped my friends, my buds, my classmates. The only one it hasn't helped is ME. So I'm pretty sure it can help you.

You say you could write effortlessly. then you stop and it doesn't come any more. Same here. You because Creativity is a self-propelled loop, it'll keep going as long as you keep doing it. you stop, you stop wanting to do it. You keep doing it, you'll keep wanting to do it, so you'll do it more. You just have to sit down for 1 hour+ every day and you'll be back in no time at all.

You write this because you want someone to know you exist. well remember this. YOU know YOU exist. don't ever forget that... ever. You wrote "I hope whoever you are, if you've even read this far, that your life is going better than mine." Well my life is going better. not because it is better or something. But because i had all your problem and I beat each and every one of them. Now i respect myself. i can talk, i can laugh, I can look back and think about how much of a sad, pitiful, fool I was. And while you won't understand why that's a good thing till you can do it yourself, it is the BEST FEELING EVER.

You said you have no friends, but I'm sure you have someone to talk to, Oh wait! Me. This isn't intended to be a one time post, if you want help/advice/ someone to tell your problems too. I'm willing to keep a tab of this site open to Message or you can find me on steam as Stealthweasle01. I stay offline usually but if i get a message that mentions this post on songmeanings.com I'll contact you first chance i get. I'll even Voice chat. If you don't have a steam account, it's free. if just want to message me on this site fine, i'll check it every day or 2 for 3 weeks. from August 12 to September 2. If i don't hear from you, then i hope this post helps you LoudSilences.

I don't talk for just any pointless reason. That's my way of saying that I mean every word of what I said here. So please learn from it or message me. I didn't want sit here for 5 hours writing this for nothing. Well it's 4 AM. have a good night.