Both as a standalone and as part of the DSOTS album, you can take this lyric as read. As a matter of public record, Jourgensen's drug intake was legendary even in the 1980s. By the late 90s, in his own words, he was grappling with massive addiction issues and had lost almost everything: friends, spouse, money and had nearly died more than once. "Dark Side of the Spoon" is a both funny & sad title for an album made by a musical genius who was losing the plot; and this song is a message to his fans & friends saying he knows it. It's painful to listen to so I'm glad the "Keith Richards of industrial metals" wised up and cleaned up. Well done sir.
Dear Joan, I've almost forgotten
The pane in the window, the blue dress in the doorway
Dear Joan, help me remember
The face I forget, and the traps that I've sprung
I guess I've grown tired, It's just what's expected of me
To tear your heart, from the inside to the outside
You know I was wired, I just couldn't help it
The hundred thousand times I hurt you
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Dear Joan, your face has a brightness
That I've never seen, in the years that I've known you
Dear Joan, I'd pick up the pieces
But some scattered too far, they flew when I kicked them
I know you believed when I said it was over
You stood by me patiently, waiting and brooding
So deeply in love, with every face that I've shown
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Once I forget, twice I'm a fool
Three times I wrap my hands around your neck
While your sleeping
So quietly sleeping
Sleeping and dreaming
Dear Joan, don't walk out the doorway
Because if you did, I believe I could honestly kill you
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
The pane in the window, the blue dress in the doorway
Dear Joan, help me remember
The face I forget, and the traps that I've sprung
I guess I've grown tired, It's just what's expected of me
To tear your heart, from the inside to the outside
You know I was wired, I just couldn't help it
The hundred thousand times I hurt you
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Dear Joan, your face has a brightness
That I've never seen, in the years that I've known you
Dear Joan, I'd pick up the pieces
But some scattered too far, they flew when I kicked them
I know you believed when I said it was over
You stood by me patiently, waiting and brooding
So deeply in love, with every face that I've shown
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Once I forget, twice I'm a fool
Three times I wrap my hands around your neck
While your sleeping
So quietly sleeping
Sleeping and dreaming
Dear Joan, don't walk out the doorway
Because if you did, I believe I could honestly kill you
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night, and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan
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cannot. stop. listening. It is slow, but it just sounds so real!