Slippery People

pleasantly out of proportion? been speaking with the self-transforming machine elves?

pleasantly out of proportion? been speaking with the self-transforming machine elves?

I mean, just based on calling yourself a variation on "delysid" people will tend to make certain assumptions.

I mean, just based on calling yourself a variation on "delysid" people will tend to make certain assumptions.

before a certain infamous drug was made illegal, it had a tradename.

before a certain infamous drug was made illegal, it had a tradename.

long before Time Magazine ruined everything (yeah it was That "T" thing, not the usual scrapegoat), more than 10 years was it? when a bunch of important people in academia--and in secretive alphabet govt. agencies--were doing nasty "pranks," of which slipping mickeys was kid-stuff. compared to such Mengele-worthy efforts as "psychic driving" (imagine someone putting a locked...

long before Time Magazine ruined everything (yeah it was That "T" thing, not the usual scrapegoat), more than 10 years was it? when a bunch of important people in academia--and in secretive alphabet govt. agencies--were doing nasty "pranks," of which slipping mickeys was kid-stuff. compared to such Mengele-worthy efforts as "psychic driving" (imagine someone putting a locked football helmet on your head which plays a 5-second tape loop over and over and over for six months, in bed in a room in the dark..."you are a happy productive citizen...you are [ZOMG]"

and yet, we're led to believe the danger (!!) was in things like the early, serious work of a certain Harvard psychiatrist attempting to reach out to inmates and maybe reprogram them, a bit--not coercively! though as the delysid began to take hold, tension was building in the long silences. the ice broke when timmy admitted he was afraid of the big black men, and when the hardcore longtime inmates admitted they were scared of the mad scientist.

oh it turned into a party almost. guess that was the danger huh? get people of different races & backgrounds to speak friendly and want to help each other. wall st. businessmen deciding their jobs were dull and they'd rather tune in, etc. ad infinitum.

then there was the (definitely-not-serious!) "work"--and these were important, productive tasks IMO--of the folks whose pranks were intended... no! not to break minds of the lesser races who threatened us from across the waters. they only wanted to show people a good time. free your ass, and your mind will follow.

hear the ripping as the veil is parted & walk into a brave new world with such creatures in it...

you shoulda seen me a month ago, when I was still at the peak of my (first ever!) manic episode. truthfully it's not that different from my usual schizotypal self: except more engaged with life and other people, more productive and...extremely disorganized.

you shoulda seen me a month ago, when I was still at the peak of my (first ever!) manic episode. truthfully it's not that different from my usual schizotypal self: except more engaged with life and other people, more productive and...extremely disorganized.

not that I believed I was writing the Great American Novel, no: but you shoulda seen how I buried myself in those twelve sheets of foolscap, don't ask me why. uh, I mean reams and reams of paper with scrawled ramblings which were roughly my own personal equivalent of Finnegan's Wake. rereading it now, I can still...

not that I believed I was writing the Great American Novel, no: but you shoulda seen how I buried myself in those twelve sheets of foolscap, don't ask me why. uh, I mean reams and reams of paper with scrawled ramblings which were roughly my own personal equivalent of Finnegan's Wake. rereading it now, I can still understand (most) of it. but I couldn't possibly write that way now: where I was cramming four different meanings into each invented word, that sorta thing. not anymore. back then, it flowed effortlessly.

OK I'm still kinda amped up but not quite manic anymore. probably it's close to a happy medium, though my shrink is terrified I'll never entirely come back to reality. wants to clamp down on my newfound freedom with Zyprexa. oooh nasty stuff.

(not down on meds in general. thanx to mirtazapine aka Remeron w/o which I might not be alive today, truly. oh man went through perhaps a dozen antidepressants over a 10-year period before I found the one which really works for me, and doesn't make me too miserable with side-effects either.)

why write? compulsive & grandiose perhaps, but mostly just I was having difficulty expressing myself in a spoken voice--and, I was feeling a great need to express myself--so I found something else, something which worked.

tonight evidently I'm trying to recapture some of that scary but exciting madness, and what comes out is actually pretty close to my ordinary analytical self. but also freer and more creative, in some ways. I'm grateful for it. though I'm sorry the mania made my loved ones fear for me, it was--in many ways--a blessing. haven't felt so happy and energetic in years.

in a forum such as this, I feel awkwardly pedantic making such a statement: but certain facts to which I alluded were incorrect, some of which might be considered important. particularly by folks who don't already know this stuff & are getting their first taste of it secondhand. though anyone on an informal internet forum ought to be aware: though participants might seem knowledgeable, they sure as hell don't have teams of fact checkers and lawyers like newspaper & book publishers.

in a forum such as this, I feel awkwardly pedantic making such a statement: but certain facts to which I alluded were incorrect, some of which might be considered important. particularly by folks who don't already know this stuff & are getting their first taste of it secondhand. though anyone on an informal internet forum ought to be aware: though participants might seem knowledgeable, they sure as hell don't have teams of fact checkers and lawyers like newspaper & book publishers.

one example: the notorious Harvard professor was a psychologist. I'd used the word "psychiatrist." it felt natural for me...

one example: the notorious Harvard professor was a psychologist. I'd used the word "psychiatrist." it felt natural for me to stereotype him as an M.D. because in his early days he was surprisingly "uptight," until many sessions with Delysid--combined with the experiences he learned (and shared!) with experienced psychonauts such as Neal Cassady + his circle of friends--convinced him that he did indeed retain elitist Ivory Tower attitudes which required demolition. in younger days he'd been far more intellectual and professiorial in manner, though his evangelical zeal was regarded with amusement by such luminaries as Aldous Huxley; the good Dr. TL in turn felt such early experimenters as Albert Hoffman, Henry Luce, and Huxley himself--who he met, and appreciated--were, unfortunately, surly gate-keepers preventing the great unwashed from partaking of a sacred gift from above.

Were there other mistakes? Probably, but folks today have unique opportunity and ability (some would say "responsibility") to search and educate themselves. Regarding the nasty non-consensual activities alluded to only in passing, folks should search on keywords such as:

"Project Bluebird" "Project Artichoke" MKULTRA

those considering new forays into self-experimentation would be well-advised to immerse themselves in sources of helpful (potentially life-saving!) info, one such resource being lycaeum.org