It was in the march of the winter I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
'Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Of course it's your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
'Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
I will be pure
No, no, I know i will be pure
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like snow
Like gold, like gold, like gold
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
'Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Of course it's your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
'Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
I will be pure
No, no, I know i will be pure
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like snow
Like gold, like gold, like gold
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Each part of the song tells a story of his life-inside of his head-upon his attempt at suicide. All his thoughts upto his downfall, and what prevents him from the loss of his own life.
"It was in the march of the winter
I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need"
Upon turning seventeen, conor seemed to suffer a tough state in his life...in which some specific pills were bought that he thought were "needed". Easy enough.
"And I wrote a letter
To my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine
To walk upon"
As clear as it can be, a suicide letter was written, confessing to his family that he felt their love, and he appreciated everything they did for him. But, the idea of "the ground not mine to walk apon" is presented. This central idea can be seen throughout the song.
"And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself"
What I interperted from this section, was not the music being so literal, but that the music was instead a mutual feeling that conor felt between his grandmother and him. That the "music" was the depressed state of mind that could be found from family member to family member. The drinking of the elderly woman could show the paralell feeling between conor and his grandmother.
"And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by
It's honesty"
Building onto the mood that the song states, conor might've found deep, psychological meaning in a flower, and its NATURAL way of dying. That, with the thought of suicide in his thoughts, watching a flower wither and die away on its own, made him embarrased that he could not do the same.
"So I'd prefer to be remembered
As a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken it's place"
Perhaps still writing the letter to be found by his parents, he gives his last wishes, upon what he would like to be remembered as: A Smiling Face.
"So please forgive what I have done
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun
We all get tired, I mean, eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep"
Such a beautiful, and moving way to state what cant be prevented. That sometimes, regrets and mistakes cant be prevented. That, like "the setting sun" somethings you cant avoid.
"But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself
A few more days"
Spring, a very symbolic season of new birth and growth, shows very substantial to this change of pace that conor presents. Amazing, of course.
"My salvation, it came
Quite suddenly
When Justin spoke
Very plainly
He said, "Of course it's your decision
But just so you know
If you decide to leave
Soon I will follow"
As some might know of the close relationship that Conor had with his brother Justin, his brother's words were found moving, and very inspiring, as if to be "salvation"
It is obvious to see that the "leaving, going" and "following" could be understood as justin's desire to follow his brother in death, if conor had chosen to do so.
"I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Because it's cold out here
And it will be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss"
With Justin bearing his first child, conor states that "its cold out here" implying that the world is a cold place, full of loss and shocking instances.
"So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love
Just love
I will be pure
No, no, I know I will be pure
Like snow
Like gold
Like snow
Like gold"
Through Conor's time of depression and doubt, he has been given new hope to change his world, not only for himself, but for his brother's first child. The birth of this baby brings a new light to his life. The new child can be seen as its own salvation for conor, for his sights were newed.
The wish that Conor states is that the new baby "wont see no lies, just love"
That, the baby shouldnt see the pain that conor holds, and that he should just see the love in the world. That, his world will be pure.
With conor saying, "No, no i will be pure" is almost a self-realization of his own want and need to be pure for the world he lives in.
That he will be pure.
Like Gold.
Like Snow.
He will be as pure as something as real as gold, and as something as fresh as snow, free of impurities and flaws.
Clearly a beautiful song of the development of ones mind in such a terrible time in their life. Clearly, Amazing.