So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me "For one time only, make an exception"
I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies, send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions "Oh" she says "You're changing"
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey or something in between
And I can always change my name, if that's what you mean
My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try tell yourself
To make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love" she said
"Then we're gonna have to think about the consequences"
But she can't stop shaking, and I can't stop touching her and
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days" she says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing
But I'm not gonna break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend and I'm not gonna break
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
No, no, no, no
It seems like I should say "As long as this is love"
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should just
Snap her up in a butterfly net and just pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried, 'cause I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
That I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleep (rain falls down)
It's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn (rain comes falling down)
And every word is nonsense but I understand and (rain falls down)
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing (rain comes falling down)
Her kindness bangs a gong (rain falls down)
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away (rain comes falling down)
It's chasing me away (rain falls down)
She disappears and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me "For one time only, make an exception"
I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies, send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions "Oh" she says "You're changing"
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey or something in between
And I can always change my name, if that's what you mean
My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try tell yourself
To make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love" she said
"Then we're gonna have to think about the consequences"
But she can't stop shaking, and I can't stop touching her and
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days" she says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing
But I'm not gonna break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend and I'm not gonna break
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
No, no, no, no
It seems like I should say "As long as this is love"
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should just
Snap her up in a butterfly net and just pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried, 'cause I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
That I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleep (rain falls down)
It's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn (rain comes falling down)
And every word is nonsense but I understand and (rain falls down)
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing (rain comes falling down)
Her kindness bangs a gong (rain falls down)
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away (rain comes falling down)
It's chasing me away (rain falls down)
She disappears and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
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Totally agree with JediBumblebee, every line resonates and totally supports your theory, here it is in my opinion.... Anna is a girl who wants to save her “love” for something big. When it comes to love, she’s after either true pure unconditional everlasting love that equals consequences such as marriage and possible heart break and all that scary stuff (all) or nothing. She doesn’t want to waste her love on regular relationships because that’s not ‘real’ love so it’s pointless.
He's not into all that at at this stage, it's just a regular relationship and that’s fine, he's done it before, they come they go. He's ‘not worried or overly concerned’.
He ‘wraps her up with lies’ though to keep the relationship going well because he does like her and she obviously likes him. He reassures her that all is well maybe by letting her believe it is true love, metaphorically sending her to a 'coconut island' and keeping her happy.
She believes him and thinks he's starting to change ‘you’re changing’ and embrace his feelings but he knows it's just a lie because if it was really love, he would want to declare it, cause everyone says you can't help yourself from gushing about it, ‘if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love’. But it’s ok cause he still ‘likes’ her and she’s special and it’s not just black and white like she sees it ‘shades of grey’=levels of like/love.
Meanwhile Anna is giving it her all 'raining kindness' because she’s in love with him and he’s put her on this coconut island letting her think it’s mutual, but she's not getting any genuine love back, she talks to him about it 'if it's love we have to think of the consequences' but he's still unconcerned and she can pick up that it's ingenuine so it starts to wear her down 'washing her away' then 'she starts shaking'. Basically the exhaustion of unrequited love even though she doesn’t know for sure, he’s not acting like someone who’s properly in love.
She realises what’s going on or at least knows something’s wrong, and realises what the constant questioning it's doing to her so she begins to withdraw. She decides she’s going to do what he’s doing so they can keep dating because she can’t leave him, she’s just going to stop loving him ‘not going to bend, break or even worry about it anymore’ She completely adopts his views to protect herself so it doesn’t hurt that he doesn’t truly love her back and it won’t hurt her to break up with him (because he’s not ready for true marriage type love, a breakup is enevitable).
She’s changing around and he feels like he should calm her down as he usually does ‘I’ve done this sort of thing before’ by saying something like ‘as long as this is love...’ but he can’t cause he doesn’t think it is. Then things start to change though, because she’s become withdrawn and more independent from him he finally starts to ‘think about the consequences’. He thinks about what it would be like without her ‘I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room’. This time when her kindness falls like rain then it ’washes him away’ ... (blows his mind) and suddenly he realises he’s fallen properly totally in love with Anna) But he’s still scared ‘not ready for this sort of thing’ cause it comes with the consequences (like heartbreak).
‘Her kindness bangs a gong’, he’s totally in love like she was, but now she’s retreating fast because she doesn’t believe/know that he loves her so it’s too late and he sees her slipping. I think the last lines are him saying he’s not ready for real love either now that he’s experiencing the consequences (heartbreak) as he ends it with ‘Anna begins to fade away, it’s chasing me away, she disappears and oh lord I’m not ready for this sort of thing.’
So as he realises he’s in love with her, she talks herself out of loving him. It’s basically a song about two people who want to protect themselves from being hurt (him at the beginning, her at the end)... and by doing this they miss out on true “all” love and end up with “nothing” together. Lol. Massive. Mybad.