Urban Myth

Do you remember when you told me the story
About the family who was robbed in Hawaii
And after days had passed, they found a photograph
Of someone with their toothbrush up his ass
Just like the guy who had the hooker for the evening
And got his kidneys taken out while he was sleeping
Turns out it's just a myth, everyone's heard of it
'Cuz when I tried to tell my friends at work
I wound up looking like a jerk
You're just looking for escape from the moment
Just like the poodle in the microwave
What if one day you wake up and you'll discover
That your life was just another urban myth
You're a liar and you don't have a reason
Your story's getting way out of season
How much you wanna bet it's on the internet
And probably has been for seven years
Which reminds me of the poor scuba diver
Whose super scooper dropped into the fire
It's impossible, not even plausible
Ask any third grader at the school
I'm just tryna let you know
You're just looking for escape from the moment
Just like the poodle in the microwave
What if one day you wake up and you'll discover
That your life was just another urban myth
A friend of a friend said they heard it from a relative
Friends, brothers, neighbors, who was working
In the building of time of the event
I guess it must be true 'cuz you heard it from a friend
But the one that was by far the most heinous
Was the guy who had the gerbil in his anus
If that were halfway true
How come I hear a new version of the story every year
My favorite one was Richard Gere
You're just looking for escape from the moment
Just like the poodle in the microwave
What if one day you wake up and you'll discover
That your life was just another urban myth
Cactus Cooler isn't carbonated breastmilk
Corona isn't made of piss (doesn't matter if it is!)
What if one day you wake up and you'll discover
That your life was just another urban myth
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo