Impossible

I found that I was angry in the cool of the
Day—all the tall trees swaying, all I did not say.
Though I managed all the details, and I made all those phone calls,
And I wrote out all the emails and straightened out
The front hall, it don't matter; it made no difference.
All through our disagreement there was a cardinal on the fence.
Put no walls around me,
I will lay the stones myself,
And lay down with my body but give nothing else.
Still living with the feeling pent up in my chest,
My old lifelong companion, the one I know the best.
Well, I guess I got the hang of it—the impossible.
You could say I moved right in with it—the impossible.
You knew I felt unnatural in the blue light of dawn.
I left the house in shadow, and my mind went on and on.
On the long spool of highway, strange fragments of song,
And all I can't get my way, everything that's still wrong.
Oh, I guess I got the hang of it—the impossible.
And I walk the endless boundaries of it,
Just to know what you can't ever have—what is light, what shadow.
I guess I always wanted the impossible.
In time learned to rest on the fevered pitch,
The change was so relentless, no time to get used to it.
I had to get so ruthless,
To cut right down to the quick,
To wake at six AM and go along with all of it.
But still I was so sensitive I could hardly even stand
Your simple acts of kindness, the gentle pressure of your hand.
Glimpsed from the ferry, green swaths of land.
Sleeping on the floor I felt the ocean's movement.