Everything I Wanted

The main storyline is about suicide. When she says "I had a dream, I got everything I wanted," sadly, everything she wanted was to die. She had a dream where she jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and drowned. That was what she wanted ("not what you'd think").

I think that people who don't have depression could find it hard to understand that (how could someone think of killing themselves?), but that's the nature of depression: it makes you decide to do things that you wouldn't think about doing if you were in a different state of mind, it makes you hopeless.

The reason she describes the experience as a nightmare wasn't because she died, it was because people watched her do it and no one cared or tried to stop her.

Then she woke up and Finneas was there to comfort her with the lines in the chorus. FInneas went "underwater" with her: he saw how Billie felt and experienced all the pain she was feeling, with her. Which is not something that many people would do: most people would call the hospital and put the depressed person under medical care because they think depressed people are too much to deal with. And in the meantime the depressed person feel so much guilt because they can't be happy for the people they care about, and they "drown" even more.

"And you say, "As long as I'm here no one can hurt you Don't wanna lie here but you can learn to If I could change the way that you see yourself you wouldn't wonder why you hear they don't deserve you""

so much love in these words!

the line "If knew it all then would i do it again?", to me, means that if she was told before that those people that hurt her didn't deserve her, if she was shown that somebody cared about her, she wouldn't have jumped off the Golden bridge. She's saying to people: "don't kill yourself because there's not going back from that, life could get better, you just have to be more patient to see that".

A lot of suicidal people have no one to talk to, it's a good thing that Billie has Finneas. A little love can do so much good.

In my case, i was all alone, i had no friends, but now i'm trying to make them because i want to be loved. It's hard: sometimes i do think that nobody cares about me, but i have to remind myself that friendships are built over time and i've got my brother who cares about me. When i was 18 he found out that i wanted to kill myself and he cried and he asked me not to do that, so i didn't kill myself because i felt loved. I really like this song because it speaks so personally to me.

i listen to it when i'm depressed, because it has a good message that i need to hear from time to time: "don't kill yourself yet, be patient you are going to die eventually so why speed up the process? Until you die, you have a lot to do. Be adventurous but not reckless, fall in love again but not with some dickhead. Stay in school. Have a big career. Build a family. Become 90 years old and a crazy old lady and scare the shit out all the kids on halloween :-)". Have a good day