Unmentionables

Don, a 43-year old buyer of elastics for the second largest manufacturer of men's undergarments in the Western hemisphere was attending a trade show in Toronto, June 2003 when he suddenly understood that the universe had existed for an infinity before him! And would continue forever and ever even after he was dead!
He GASPED in his boots, and clutched his chest, staggering towards the exit sign on the far side of the trade show floor, having to thread his way between large prefabricated displays of comically oversized briefs and boxer shorts.
"Hey Don!", one of his buddies, an overweight Greek from Philadelphia, called out, "you look like somebody just crapped on your kiosk!"
UNMENTIONABLES
Don't show your underwear in public
Or you will go to jail!!!
That October, Linda, a 32-year old claims adjuster living in Rochester, New York, was purchasing a pair of size 6 women's panties, when she suddenly realized that her tolerant agnosticism - if been correct - had doomed her to an eternity in hell!
She ran hyperventilating into the department store parking lot, where she collided with an old friend she hadn't seen since college.
"Linda? Is that you? Jesus Christ you look great! You must have lost at least fifteen pounds!"
UNMENTIONABLES
Don't show your underwear in public
Or you will go to jail!!!!!!
[Lady] I still don't understand why this song was called "Unmentionables"!
[Guy] Well it dealt with underwear and some find that objectionable.
[Lady] Wait a minute wait a minute I think you missed the point!
Those people got some problems and their lives are out of joint!
[Guy] Ok I see, what you're saying makes some sense and I apologize that my answer was a little dense.
[Lady] Didn't see that as a problem but I value your reply but I'm not really happy with the thought that, well, I'll die...
[Guy] Don't mention it don't mention it don't mention it again! There are some matters that I refuse to even comprehend!
DON'T (what!)
MEN (what?)
TION (what!!)
IT (what.)