It Ain't Drunk Drivin' If You're Ridin' a Horse

On the highway at night, the lights blazin' red
And there ain't no sounds except the poundin' in my head
And a couple cop sirens blaring for me
They stop me en route by the refinery
They say, "You look mean," "The kettle is black"
They punch me for that one, throw me in the back
They say, "You've been drinking", I said, "Yes, of course
But it ain't drunk drivin' if you're ridin' a horse"
Well there's coked-up truck drivers, T-birds on meth
And cell phones and sober folks scare me to death
Pills, weed, and Nyquil in every third car
And liquored-up grandmas headin' down to the bar
But my horse, he does all the thinking for me
He's sober as an angel on a Christmas tree
Being horny, gettin' messed up, is life's strongest force
But it ain't drunk drivin' if you're ridin' a horse
My equine companion is kind and good-hearted
But he will not back down from a fight
And down at the stable, he'll drink you under the table
But he wasn't drinkin' tonight
Well I pleaded and I pleaded without any gain
Took all the names in the Bible I could think of in vain
And the judge, he had the gall, to swear on my wealth
He said, "What do you have to say for yourself?
Of your sinning and your drinking, do you feel much remorse?"
No, 'cause it ain't drunk drivin' if you're ridin' a horse