A Portrait Of

I interpret this song as talking about the bond individuals create while in a pysch ward. As Cameron mentions in Old Gray's "Like Blood From a Stone" people create special bonds with other patients in these psychiatric hospitals. Specifically, Cameron in my opinion is speaking how many of those he has been in hospitals with have died (most likely due to overdose or suicide) and how he has lost hope in the system. He is also questioning why an omniscient being like G-d would allow these people who have sought help to still struggle. Cameron's mention of "I am not saying it easy I am saying it is fine" is his way of saying that he has to live through these times and that these times are hard, but if he lets himself get bettered by the times than he cannot live.

It's a fact that this song and its album are heavily influenced by the suicide of singer Cameron Boucher's close friend, Sean. At this time, a few other friends of his also died very young. This song and all others from this album come from a place of intense grief, and a feeling of complete loneliness. "He's always trying to fuck me to the tune of my favorite song" is saying that bad things always seem to happen when he's happiest, or involving the things that make him happiest. "Best friend torching your coat" I think means that his friend was his coat, the thing that kept him warm and safe and secure, but Sean torched himself, taking himself away from Cameron. "I'm not trying to say it's easy but I'm trying to say it's fine" is acceptance of his grief, like the line "I've still got some demons and they're not going to be leaving any time soon" he's accepted that he's unhappy, but he's coming to terms with the fact that that's just how it's going to be for him for a while.

The best part of this song is the end. It's harder to hear, the lyrics only there for those who truly want to listen. It's powerful. It's a fight with himself. It's background to who he is and what his thought process is amidst all his grief. I was surprised to open this tab and see that those lyrics weren't there, so I went ahead and added them. He screams them with such raw emotion and determination and pain. I fell in love with this song because of it. "But I have to have to be strong and I have to live my life as a continuation of theirs lost, and I have to do everything in my power to be the person that I can be and live my life the best way I fucking can and some days it's so hard to fucking stand" and its delivery, tells you e v e r y t h i n g about, and I don't want to say who he is, but about how he has decided to deal with his pain. It's strength. It's honest. And this? Is a damn. good. song.