I'm Afraid to Talk to Men

Ooo yeah
C'mon
Uhh uhh oh yeah
I'm afraid to talk to men
I was raised with girls
I'm afraid if I talk to men I'll look at their dicks
It's not that I want to
I'm just afraid I'm going to
Do we talk about golf or birds?
Only the nice ones talk about birds
And if I talk about birds with the wrong ones,
they'll eat me for breakfast
They'll see right through me,
that I'm a big gay poodle
And I take 3 baths a day
If we're talking about Miatas, do I scoff or nod?
I don't know what's good and what's bad with cars
I can talk to men for a couple minutes but
then I know I'm going to bring up Tracy Chapman
Or Liza Minelli or Stevie Nicks or Tori Amos or Whitney Houston
At least she sang at a sports game once.
But what game was it? Was it football or table tennis?
Or greyhound racing? Is that even legal?
I hold a beer with two hands.
What's up, Steve? Want to hear about all the cool spots that I binge-eat vegan doughnuts in my car? Steve? Steven?
In a button-up shirt and maybe in the perfect light
I could look like a regular BBQ guy
But make no mistake, I'm actually a giant
flightless bird with a crush on Rob Thomas
And when the men find out that I'm an undercover
Fruity turkey vulture, I'm afraid that I'm going to get
Reported to Dwayne the Rock Johnson
He'll spank me til I praise Van Halen and
Name my top 3 craft beer selections
I'm afraid, I'm afraid to talk to men
Like Rob, Richard and Alan
Paul, Gary, Liam's aren't usually too bad
But Phil's are tough