Dragonfucker

Narrator:
The mighty dragon wakens from his slumber. Eons have passed since his last unholy carnal conflagration. The sons and daughters of his native land long since descended into those who have only considered him and his kind pure mystical speculation
Greek Chorus:
Raise his mighty claw and point at you
Narrator:
A deafening sound is heard. A thunderous calamity that tears even the furthermost villagers in the land from their slumber. Sleeping children seek refuge in their mother's caress as the inevitable truth chases the peering dawn. it is time to feed.
Greek Chrous:
Sleeping village wake your young. Faith is not as strong as a schlong in this Universe. It is a concept I'm so sure you have heard. Distinct. A distraction till you're returned to Earth. There is no stopping her.
Narrator:
On searing wings the dragon ascends the molten perch high above defiled lands. burning homes and devouring cattle in its wake, decimating the villages' supply in minutes. The human's surviving families homeless, broken and terrified. The flames and devastation are seen throughout the kingdom and as the town elders converge to form some kind of plan, the king contemplates his own best course of action.
The King:
"Of Course! He whose exploits have stained the parchments of all of history's most notorious heroic tales! We must obtain him! The True Saviour! The Mystic Tadger of Ages! The Waxen Prometheus of Bad Houses Ancient! The Blessed Wang from Beyond Infinities Soiled Pantaloons! He! DRAGONFUCKER! TO THE HALLS OF ELDERS!"
The King:
We need to venture to the ancient lands. Cross the plains and covered sands. Send for He that can save us all. Get Dragonfucker to come along.
The Elders:
We don't think so!
The King:
Come on guys! Quit being dicks!
The Elders:
We don't think so!
The King:
Let's just get him, and make it quick!
The Elders:
We don't think so!
The King:
We don't have time to fuck around!
The Elders:
We got our head up our ass and we don't think so!
The King:
Fuck you guys! We gotta bring him!
The Elders:
We don't think so!
The King:
Is that your answer to everything? This one time, this one thing. I'm saying what goes, tough shit, I'm The King!
The Elders:
Fuck that! Seriously!
The King:
Suck a dick in Hell, Dragonfucker's coming!
The Elders:
If you're gonna be a dick about it, we guess so!
Narrator:
And so the Kingdom dispatched its bravest knights and noblest townspeople throughout the country in search of the legendary Dragonfucker with nothing but the broadest texts on which to deduce the location of his haphazard asylum. Finding the saviour would prove a long and treacherous task until one autumn morning, all but eclipsed by the forestry of the surrounding wood, the fabled lair of the Dragonfucker was finally exposed to the cities' cartographers through the ancient and decayed maps of yore. We find our hero in a rare moment of confusion and self-pity brought on by the endless ennui of the lonely life that a hero trying to live down his past sometimes encounters.
Dragonfucker:
All alone now. Have I outlived my usefulness? All alone now. No one to experiment with. Wave bye to those things. Nipple clamps. Cock rings. This calloused stump pulled heartstrings. Now, worthless endearings. Feed me! My spirit's bleeding! Breathe out. Breathe in. Only seething. Give me something, please.
Townsfolk:
We have come from far away to ask you to help us. We have come from miles away to beg you to save us.
Dragonfucker:
Is this my last chance? They don't even know!
Narrator:
And all through the villages, everyone would say, Dragonfucker's crank grew three times that day.
Dragonfucker:
Let's do this! Just let me grab a few things! I'll be right with you! How soon till we get there? We're wasting our time here.
Narrator:
Unbeknownst to anyone, the dragon itself, exhausted from the days pillaging, rests on a cliff high above the clouds in morose seclusion.
The Dragon:
And when I fly over your field, no one can know just how it feels, 'cause when you burn, I burn with you, but alone. All alone. Feel my wrath, 'cause it's all I have and I can't turn back all of this time. This wasted time.
Narrator:
Meanwhile, the Dragonfucker all but ignores the pleas of his fellow travelers in terms of the danger he is about to undertake. The stagnant years of disuse driven him to utter delusion. At this point he is a being with only one singular purpose.His preoccupation with the will to conquer has all but compressed his id into its own living force of nature.
Dragonfucker:
Somebody show me the way, 'cause we're miles out, and I'm consumed. Just give me the basic gist, like a landmark. I'll figure it out. (No one knows my pain. Of course, I know there is much worse, just, you know, I'm saying.... Back to stressing.)
Narrator:
An abhorrent fragrance emanates from the night air. A mix of smouldering flesh, scorched earth, and something... other. Dragonfucker breaks free the stride of his companions and accelerates his pace intensely. Bounding through clearings, circumnavigating an entire forests worth of flora and fauna leaving confused wildlife in his path with the glee of one having already won the battle. Until, of course, the creature flies into view before him and all that shit goes right out the fucking window.
Dragonfucker:
That thing's like an fucking insane pissed off nightmare! I've gone too far right here! I don't know if I'm gonna quite make it through this one. Just filled my pants with fear.
Narrator:
A grotesque arial display is strewn throughout the night sky. Simultaneously pitious and formidable. Children stand frozen in horror as their elders spontaneously regurgitate. No onlooker is spared the psychic damage from such a mortifying demonstration.
The Dragon:
It's happening again. Closest to a friend that I will experience. Maybe this time, I'll just fucking die, right? I'd do this all night 'cause somehow this fight is all that I will have. How will it end? I'm just raging aimlessly.
Narrator:
Dragonfucker gives as noble a performance as ever in his fabled history, although he can feel his hitherto indomitable onslaught waning in power. Conversely, the Dragon, never having anticipated the attack, or having even experienced resistance to his efforts, is unduly wavering in his stability.
The Dragon:
Is this fucking it? Am I fucking done? Here's hoping it's over!
Dragonfucker:
Holy shit! This seems almost impossible. Just might be where it all ends.
Narrator:
As both warriors near utter exhaustion, separately they take inner retrospection, the dragon wishing for an end to the constant burning fury of his undesired and unwelcome flames, and Dragonfucker, just wanting to have felt relevant in a changing world and being handed his ass. Tears stream from Dragonfucker's face in complete frustration, causing the immediate dissipation of heat on the dragon from where they land, and in doing so shocking the dragon to a halt catapulting Dragonfucker over the dragon's previously raging countenance. In mid-air, the two combatants lock stunned eyes as an instant obvious physical and emotional understanding is acknowledged. They stare with a look that betrays that they are the only two living things that each of them could ever truly belong with.
Dragonfucker and The Dragon:
Pure Love! Exultant! Untamed, Evolved, Unequal! Embraced and held triumphant! Just blown away! Yeah!
Narrator:
So Dragonfucker's tears soften the fiery heart of the dragon as they fell unequivocally in love with the truest understanding of what real love is. The dragon, detached from any true relationship because of his condition, cherised Dragonfucker as the first person he could have true emotional contact with. Dragonfucker, in turn, found the dragon to have stirred something inside him that kept him forever young and virile. As a couple, they studied the nuances of each others culture, helping break down boundaries and create a compassionate dialogue between their two species. Eventual reparations were discussed, agreed upon, and entrusted to the affected survivors. They later settled down in a distant province where they adopted a family together and raised them with all the best qualities of both of their personalities. By the time they were old enough to leave home, the children were already seen as valiant heroes in their own right, fighting against injustice with fair hands and courageous hearts. Our two warriors, meanwhile lived out their twilight years together, cherishing every moment and every experience, old or new. When eventually, as we all do, they find themselves too broken and too brittle to move, they spend their last days along side one another in warm embrace, recalling past glories and being thankful for every precious moment spent together.
Dragonfucker:
And you feel it when the Angels stare through your used dead soul. Every muscle. Every tendon cracked. Just move so slow. It's the fear when the immortals finally see the end of their road. Every step is made of fire and pain. I don't want to go.
Who's the young man, anymore, now?
And the thought of every grey dawn met without dull approval and the memories of my children fade with lives of their own. Every pain and every problem faced so beyond my control. I just wish that I could always be to hold them so close.