Vacation

i don’t know how to be
what i wanted to be when i was 5
sometimes blue eyes sometimes green
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bike rides
snow hikes and christmas lights
sometimes freezing sometimes warm
i don’t know if i can love that anymore
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cuz i got it all
i got it all mistaken
for a meaningful life and a fun family vacation
like when i used to ride roller coasters with my dad
when a swimming pool in a hotel was a gift from god
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like love or like a family
i don’t know how to be
maybe i just wanna get married
maybe i just wanna fall asleep
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but at least i know that the world is spinning when we’re tangled in the bedsheets
and at least i know that my mom is breathing when we talk on the phone
and at least i know that my house won’t burn down down to the ground
or maybe it will
if i’ve been in love before, and i’m pretty sure i have
i’m pretty sure that my house can burn down down to the ground tomorrow
if i’ve been in love before and i know that i have, then i know that my house can burn down down down down to the ground tomorrow