Today I Cried

So sick and tired of this bullshit, man
Even people 'round me are telling me I'm wasting my time with this shit
But I know different, I swear
All I need is that one chance and I'll be back on my feet again
No more me and my tears
Sick of trying to balance the music while I'm trying to balance the food
I know if I get this music thing poppin', it will solve everything, everything
And then it happened, I only went and fucking did it
Used to be a dream but now I fucking live it
Weren't even writing raps, I was down and out about to fucking quit it
Lucky for me that I fucking didn't
See, Lily came along when I was at my lowest
Selling wraps of coke not the raps I flow with
I made it and I owe it to a chat I had with her
Who knows where I'd be if that chat hadn't occurred?
Back with the bag, with the bag full of herb in it
Instead, I got her on a track and I murdered it
My name started causing murmurs in the industry
But none of these labels would work with it until Virgin did
Put my first single out and we earned a hit
That's why I never go lipping off, 'cause hear me I know it must burn a bit
Just did a show and everybody knew the words to it
The day I risked everything for I couldn't have given anything more
All these years have weighed heavy
But this is something that nothing could have readied me for
What you think all my problems are remedied cos' I get an applause? They're not
Today I cried
And I don't know why
But today I cried
And I don't know why
Today I cried
And I don't know why
But today I cried
And I don't know why
My single went in at 3, my album went in at 2
For a debut, not too shabby if I have to I'll make do
Finally some form of reward for the things I came through
But it's different to the perfect picture people paint you
On the way up you might be a person people take to
Then you break through and the same people who rated you hate too
All of a sudden anything you may do may make news
And I'm sick to death of explaining what is and ain't truth
Spend a day in my shoes and maybe you would feel the same too
Though I know I've got to make the most of it there'll be no take 2
And I'm grateful I would hate to see 'em cos' I'm living my dream now
But I don't sleep now and all these hours awake are making me senile
Snapped every time I'm seen out
Even people I've been round my whole life are looking at me like I'm a new me now
They say I've changed but I really don't see how
I've always lived my life taking corners that I can't see round
Never knowing what it is I'm trying to seek out
But I'm even beginning to question me now
Today I cried
And I don't know why
But today I cried
And I don't know why
Today I cried
And I don't know why
But today I cried
And I don't know why
(Don't know why I cried)
I know it must seem mad to you, it's mad to me
All I've done is what I've had to do, been who I've had to be
But the path I've walked has been so gravelly
It's been a strain to remain humane amongst all this inhumanity
Thankfully I had Nan, who was a mum and a dad to me
You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family
Temporary happiness for me has been a fallacy, it's so sad, isn't it?
Stick your sympathy it means jack to me, sick of hearing how happy I should be
I just don't know how to be, I can no longer pretend, no more making out to be
Maybe all I need is a slap, someone to shake it out of me
Help me dispel my irrational thoughts think more rationally
Sick of being in the state of vanity, it's agony
Am I torn or is it all some twisted form of vanity?
Can it be I'm really just obsessed with myself?
Obsessive? compulsive? depressed? My pressures reflecting my health
Taking care of my career but I'm neglecting myself
Rejected therapy no I just won't accept any help
I pride myself on my honesty but in all honestly, today I lied
I was asked how I was and I said I was fine, well I'm not
Today I cried
And I don't know why
But today I cried
And I don't know why
(X4)
I think I figured it out though
People are always telling me how strong I must be
To have overcome everything that I've been through
And the reality is, I ain't overcome half of it yet
I just brushed everything to the side
And buried it as, as deep as I possibly could
Slowly but surely, everything that I buried has crept to the surface
And I'm finally being made to deal with it
Maybe it's for the best, hope it is