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The Exchange Lyrics
My mother lost her mother twice
Once in '54, then later in life
The exchange was quick and quiet
Her records sealed, the names made private
Her search began and ended with a judge
Her papers had been claimed in a freak basement flood
An entire family tree, an eternal privacy
Underwater, underwater
I am afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I can't be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father, I'm underwater
And I don't think you can pull me out of this
There's virgin oil painted over my door
And hotel soap from every city lined up in my window
Blew my per diem on an eighth of Blue Dream
So I can breathe, but I still can't breathe
Around my mouth, brown paper bag
Foundin' fathers on my back
I'm no martyr, I'm no martyr
I'm just afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I can't be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father, I'm underwater
Underwater, underwater
I've so much that I wanna sing
But there's no room for toothbrushes in poetry
I pray to Jesus Christ incessantly
I shine my shoes for the fat lady
I'm still underwater, I'm underwater
Underwater, underwater
I am afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I cannot be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father, I'm underwater
And I don't think you can pull me out of this
I will no longer claim to know
Where we go when it's time to go
But when you go, will I go, too?
When you go, I am going too
I'm underwater, I'm underwater
Mother, father, I'm underwater
I'm underwater, I'm underwater
Mother, father, I'm underwater
Once in '54, then later in life
The exchange was quick and quiet
Her records sealed, the names made private
Her search began and ended with a judge
Her papers had been claimed in a freak basement flood
An entire family tree, an eternal privacy
Underwater, underwater
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I can't be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
And I don't think you can pull me out of this
And hotel soap from every city lined up in my window
Blew my per diem on an eighth of Blue Dream
So I can breathe, but I still can't breathe
Around my mouth, brown paper bag
Foundin' fathers on my back
I'm no martyr, I'm no martyr
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I can't be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Underwater, underwater
I've so much that I wanna sing
But there's no room for toothbrushes in poetry
I pray to Jesus Christ incessantly
I shine my shoes for the fat lady
I'm still underwater, I'm underwater
Underwater, underwater
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I cannot be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
And I don't think you can pull me out of this
Where we go when it's time to go
But when you go, will I go, too?
When you go, I am going too
I'm underwater, I'm underwater
I'm underwater, I'm underwater
Mother, father, I'm underwater
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Mackenzie has said: “‘The Exchange’ is the story of my adoptive mother […] my mom was leading a Bible study, and my birth mother attended and hand-selected her to be my adoptive mother; she actually approached her and told her that she wanted her to be the mother of her child — me. “The Exchange” is really everything that I’ve tried to articulate to the people that I love but have never been able to, for whatever reason. My crippling fear of mortality; my intense, intense love of life; my fear of losing my parents and seeing people that I love get old. That was my own way of saying that I’m drowning but I’m OK. But I’m drowning. [laughs]”
http://pitchfork.com/features/interviews/9639-im-drowning-but-im-ok-the-revelations-of-torres-mackenzie-scott/