You've Haunted Me All My Life

On the surface this song sounds like it is about unrequited love, which Ben sings about a lot, but from the references I feel like the "mistress" is something less tangible - its like an idea, a childhood dream, or an ideal life that you've always chased, maybe even happiness.

When I hear the song and assign my own personal meaning, I think about my childhood dreams that I would grow up to make a living as an artist, or writer, or musician- that I would do millions of meaningful things that i'm actually passionate about. A lot of painful things happened that stripped me my childhood innocence, made me bitter and cynical and insecure so I gave up on it, but those ghosts of my childhood dreams keep haunting me. That lifestyle, I keep chasing it and trying to make it work- then failing and going back to the sad reality of my dead end job. Thats just one example of what I think this "mistress" could be. Your bruised adult ego tells you why your dream is a fool's errand, and how unrealistic it is- but you still see it through the eye of the hopeful child you once were.

"And so I wait but I never seem to learn How to capture your diminishing returns I still see you through the eyes of a child Not even thinking we could tame the wild"

On the first track of the album there is the killer line "how can I stay in the sun when rain flows all through my veins?"

And I think this song is basically a deeper exploration of that line. He's basically saying "i've always been kind of a lonely dude, with tendencies to be sad. but for a moment in time I thought that I was going to find true love, get married, have that happy ending, and become positive and sunshiny. but It didn't last- because how could it? thats not who i am... and yes I keep chasing it, but i'm afraid I'm never actually going to be that person. I'm never going to have that life"

The "mistress" is what you thought your life would be when you were a child, or whatever your deepest desire in life is- and it haunts you and you keep chasing it:

"You're always out of reach when I'm in pursuit Long winded then suddenly mute"

The dream is long winded- the hopeful voice in your stupid heart that keeps, saying "just do it! go for it! i believe in you! you deserve this" then when you are just within its grasp, that inner voice suddenly shuts up and you no longer know what you're supposed to do or why you thought you could do it in the first place.

"And there's a flaw in my heart's design For I keep trying to make you mine"

So you keep cheating on your "real life" with that dream- even though you painfully realize its never going to be your reality.

This song is so... Easy to relate to - like everything from DCFC, if you've got a heart or have been through troubled times.

This is about a loved one who's out of reach and each second that passes without that person is painful.

Have you ever experienced unrequitted love? It's painful like Ben Gibbard describes it: You know that person might never be able to love you, but you've known him for so long, you are so close to him, but they are still out of reach...

"And there's a flaw in my heart's design, for I keep trying to make you mine"

You keep seeing that person, you keep pretending you can only be his/her friend, you might even keep trying for a long time, waiting for an answer ("You're always out of reach when I'm in pursuit") but when the answer, when the "no" comes, you quickly change from being long-winded (exhausted) from chasing him to mute as you react to his reply.

While we can all relate to it in some way... I still believe there is something unusual here it's not about ben's girlfriend or recent crush what i think is this is most probably about ben's first crush while HE WAS JUST A KID and this WOMEN ( Mistress) used to visit his home or something like that It was this women who broke down the last code of innocence(Made him feel something like love) she is out of reach she is not always there that's why i think she is some visitor,acquaintance of a sort in his family, And there is a flaw in his heart as he tries to make her his own ( which he knows clearly is not possible thats why she is mistress he can't make a wife) . He wants to capture her diminishing returns and the best part he sees her with the eyes of a child (like a child, without much reasoning and sense about what they desire) and he knows that even though its all against the odds for him to live with her she will always continue to haunt him all his life.... Maybe thats why ben wrote/sang this after two breakups and divorce and i don't know if its true but this interpretation just makes this song even more devastating..!

No, it's not that. The "You" that has haunted him is... Love itself. Love has haunted him Put Love in every occurrence of You, and look how the sense and meaning reveals itself! It's beautiful!

This is a masterfully written song by Ben. On first impression, it seems to be about either unrequited love or a lost romantic love from long ago. But this song is about something far bigger than that. Ben is talking about the never-ending pursuit of a happy peaceful life. A key line is "You are the mistress I can't make a wife". A mistress is someone a person enjoys fleetingly - a few hours here and a few hours there. But she's not the person you share your life with/spend the days of your life with. Ben is saying he's experienced that peace & joy only fleetingly but he can never truly obtain it. He's been on the search for that true peace & happiness all his life - through hi career, his marriage to Zooey D etc... But he's come up short every time. He's not alone in that regard.