Bought a Monkey

Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey
You see me coming, motherfucker
Better run from me
Back in school, everyone used to make fun of me
I ate my lunch by myself, and never went to parties
Jocks would push me around, girls would all call me names
But I kept my mind on my paper, and my head in the game
Working three jobs at a time and socking money away
While they all went to college just to get drunk and get laid
Years later and I finally reached my goal with my funds
And everyone who bullied me is gonna see what I've done
Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey
You see me coming, motherfucker
Better run from me
This monkey's hard as shit, bought him online from a zoo
So he's crazy as hell 'cause he was probably abused
He likes to smoke cigarettes, and looks good in headbands
I also tied nunchucks to each one of his hands
And a knife to his head, a skateboard to his feet
Everyone who picked on me gonna run when we hit the streets
So wherever you at, you better run and hide
'cause you fittin' to be the victim of a monkey drive-by
(spoken dialogue)
Then we'll go to the clubs and find Becky LaRue
She was the prettiest girl in my entire school
And she'll be dancing with Brian from the lacrosse team
But they gonna stop when they get a load of monkey and me
'cause monkey's wearing a suit and we both look cool as hell
An hour later we're tag-teaming Becky at the hotel
Brian's watching us go and he's getting real sad
'cause Becky tells him me and monkey are the best that she's had
And she gets pregnant real fast 'cause our sperm count's insane
Then gives birth to a half-monkey with a human brain
His genetics are fucked and he can hardly see
But he's cute and says funny things like "Please kill me"
So we sell him to science for a trillion in cash!
Then withdraw it all and make the dumb economy crash!
Everyone's poor as shit and we're both rich as hell!
Everyone from high school is locked up in a cell!
Then we go to the moon and we meet moon babes!
They each have like six boobs and like 15 labes!
(spoken dialogue)
Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey
Bought a monkey