Connie Watson

Connie Watson is my mom's best friend
She's 62, and loves Land's End
Her hair is short, and always look wet
She works reception for the local vet
And every time I'm home she tells me stories all day long
She says her life is crazy, and I should put her in a song
Connie, Connie, Connie Watson, here you go!
This is a song for you!
Full of your crazy tales and anecdotes!
She swears all this is true!
One time Connie went to T.G.I. Friday's
With a bunch of ladies from church
They thought the waiter was cute
'cause he looked like a young Matt Lauer
And when he came over, his nametag said Matt!
(crickets)
Connie, Connie, Connie Watson!
Frumpy lady, a mystery and such!
The craziest things just seem to happen to her!
You can't make this stuff up!
A guy a Kroger once thought that Connie was his wife
But when she turned around, he was wrong!
But I can't do it justice, I must not be telling the story right
'cause when Connie does, it's 45 minutes long!
Connie, Connie, Connie Watson!
How do you like your stupid song?
Is it everything that you thought that it would be?
Everybody sing along!
Connie, I think you might have a non-verbal learning disorder
'cause you clearly have trouble interpreting people's social cues
Connie, if someone hasn't responded for 20 minutes, and they won't look up from their phones
That means they don't want to talk to you
Everybody now!
Connie, I think you might have a non-verbal learning disorder
'cause you clearly have trouble interpreting people's social cues
Connie, if someone hasn't responded for 20 minutes, and they won't look up from their phones
That means they don't want to talk to you
Connie, where you at tonight? Are you at Panera Bread? (x2)
She's got a sweatshirt of cats unrolling a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom
And it says "Let the good times roll" (x3)