I Go Hungry

Well, Ryan has already come out saying this song is about his struggle with an eating disorder/disordered eating. This song is all about self-image and how having power over the things you do can sometimes go over the top. When you struggle with an eating disorder, you cannot think about anything besides the eating disorder. You lose your ability to feel good about yourself, and it's all about "if i lose 10 more pounds, xyz will happen and i will finally be satisfied." You equate being thin with being successful and beautiful. You think people will love you 10x more than they do now if you just get your ribcage to show. In reality, however, none of this is rational thought process. You start becoming to tired and frail to do anything at all. Instead of being out on the town picking up chicks, you're huddled in front of a heater with a sweatshirt and fleece blanket wrapped around you, hating yourself, staring at a plate of food you made for yourself before deciding you couldn't eat anything today, and use sheer willpower to keep you losing weight. In this case, the inspiration (or "thinspiration") would be imagining all the things that will happen once you lose more weight (all that success and love, that feeling of achievement when the number on the scale declines, those girls and boys you've always wanted to fuck will fuck you because you're finally "attractive enough," tons of opportunities will suddenly come your way), and this destructive way of thinking is slowly eating you alive; you sit in front of the heater, feeling your bones over and over again, convinced you're still "too fat and ugly" for anyone to like, let alone love, you. Eating disorders are funded by secrets, lies, and manipulation, and can go unnoticed for a long time. Boys with eating disorders are also rarely discussed, since when a man is faced with an issue and they finally confide in someone, the general response is something along the lines of "Man up!" I've seen too many boys starving themselves so they can be as tiny as possible, so they can find love and happiness, so they can fit into the costume for their dance recital (there's sooo many people, men and women alike, who have eating disorders, especially anorexia, that are in dance companies (or just the entertainment industry in general). It's reeeeeeally important to remember that yes, men CAN suffer from and ED, not just women. Eating disorders do not discriminate. Ryan is amazing, and I'm really proud of him for writing such a personal and intimate song.