Inhale for Me/Exhale for You

On the streets, in the churches, in beds, on the floors
It’s the darkness of guilt I tried to get away from
And I thought I would win
But I lost every time
Till forty Saturdays back, at 5:50 am
I woke up to run fast, run as fast as I can.
On the trail she was running
I will run for the rest of my life.
Every Saturday on I will run to her grave
As the end of the route that I forced her to have
With my pills, with my car
Life I had, life I cursed.
And her name that is carved now inside my chest
Separates the new me from the void of my past.
It took a blink of an eye
To make both our hearts stop
With only mine to continue
And all I have now is your life
The stolen goals, the ruined heights.
Thus I swore to breathe for two
Inhale for me, exhale for you
Can’t bring you back from the dead
But I will run for us instead.
In the crash, on my arms, in the coffin, on trial.
I wish I had known you when you wore a smile.
As my darkness got darker
I slipped away to your world.
I was absorbed by the photos, memories and tears
That your parents allowed me to see and to hear.
They would trade me for you.
So would I, wish I could.
You were everything I could have never become
Smart and beautiful piece of a sincere charm
While I practiced my devils
You grew as a person inside.
So you spent 20 winters making angels in snow
21 of your summers danced you in warm flows
And every morning at 5
You would jog the same trail:
On a hill to your stars,
On a slope to my gutter.
But all I have now is your life.
The picturesque, yet unfinished part.
And so I swore to breathe for two
Inhale for me, exhale for you.
Most meaningful of words I’ve ever said:
I’ll run for us, run straight ahead