I'm Not Paying $500 to Watch Douchebags Eat Turkey

I gotta fly home for Thanksgiving
But I'm not liking what I'm seeing when it's coming to the tickets
The price is too high online
Not paying all that money to be flying, check it out
Every November, the same shit goes down
Mom calls me up... and brings me down
Tells me I gotta fly back to her town
Just to watch some d-bags wolf turkey down
Airport gonna be so damn packed
Security worried grandma gonna hijack the plane
Get on the flight, no leg room
Damn, baby crying, get back in the womb
I don't understand what I'm paying for
I'm in the back row by the bathroom door
I can't believe what I'm going through
Fuck CheapTickets and Travelzoo, too
Why are these airlines trying to work me?
I'm not paying 500 dollars to watch douchebags eat turkey
(Too much, too much)
I didn't wanna come 'cause it always sucks
Eating burned meat with a bunch of drunks
I don't even like my relatives anyway
Why do you think that I moved so far away?
People act like they're happy to see me
Then they go sit on the couch and watch TV
Hooray! Another Macy's parade
And then the Lions and the Cowboys game
It's so anticlimactic
Grandma passed out on the Craftmatic
Can't believe I spent half a G on this crap
Ate a plate of food and took a fucking nap
Why are these airlines trying to work me?
I'm not paying 500 dollars to watch douchebags eat turkey
(Too much, too much)
They're jacking me for too much of my pay
Who makes these prices? Bitches eating sponge cake?
Bitches eating sponge cake, don't fuck with me, man
Grabbing all my ducats for these fucking travel plans
When I was a kid, I used to draw the turkey bird
I traced around my hand, but now it's just absurd
This holiday is costing me a leg and an arm
I feel like a turkey getting worked on the farm
I try to find cheap air but it's hard though
Maybe I should book myself as cargo
More turkeys going under the knife
How 'bout I skip the whole thing and save a turkey's life?
Why are these airlines trying to work me?
I'm not paying 500 dollars to watch douchebags eat turkey
(Too much, too much)
Southwest Airlines is trying to work me
American Airlines is trying to work me
Jetblue Airlines
Delta Airlines
Continental Airlines
Thursdays was the worst days