All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons

ANNIE
All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons
ASH
"All the men in your life keep getting killed by Candarian Demons."
ANNIE
First there was Ed, a really nice guy.
Didn’t talk too much but I didn’t mind.
I was all set to marry him, but before we could consummate
Ed was killed by a Candarian Demon.
ASH AND SCOTT
Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon
ANNIE
Then it was Daddy
ASH AND SCOTT
Daddy
ANNIE
Who I could count on.
ASH AND SCOTT
Arwoo
ANNI
He loved to read the Necronomicon
ASH AND SCOTT
Book of the Dead
ANNIE
He also enjoyed playing board games. (Good family fun)
But he can’t sink my battleship now
‘cause Dad was killed by a Candarian Demon.
ASH AND SCOTT
Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon
ANNIE
They say love is cruel and I believe them
My heart’s always broken, ‘cause the men in my life
keep getting killed by Candarian Demons.
Why?
SCOTT
"I don’t know."
ASH
"Annie baby, I know it seems bad now: it always does! But I think you’re exaggerating a touch Sugar Bean. I mean, sure, your father and fiancé were killed by Candarian Demons, but that’s only two men, isn’t it? I mean there’s no way that ALL the men in your life could have been killed by Candarian Demons!"
ANNIE
"Oh, no?"
It was high school
ASH AND SCOTT
High School
ANNIE
Senior prom.
ASH AND SCOTT
“Oh yeah!”
ANNIE
Going with my steady Howie Brown.
ASH AND SCOTT
Howie Brown
ANNIE
A perfect night
ASH AND SCOTT
"Howie Brown?"
ANNIE
Like I always dreamed.
ASH AND SCOTT
A little girl’s dream…
ANNIE
But when “Stairway to Heaven” began
Howe was killed by (damn!) a Candarian Demon.
ASH AND SCOTT
Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon, Candarian Demon
ANNIE
All my college boyfriends and my one-night stands!
My male co-workers and platonic gay friends.
GAY FRIENDS
“Hey!”
ANNIE
Every date I go on ends in demon bloodshed.
And now that I’ve met you two guys. I know you’ll soon be dead!
SCOTT
"What the f--?"
ANNIE
They say love is cruel (Shoop shoo-wa)
and I believe them (Shoop shoo-wa),
My heart’s always broken,
‘cause the men in my life
—and I mean ALL the men in my life
EVERY single man! - in my life,
keeps getting killed by Candarian Demons!
ASH
Candarian Demons
SCOTT
Oo-ee-oo-ooo