When You Are Close, I Am Gone

I can’t escape these walls I’ve built
To keep you safe
To keep you in
If you will never see them
If you will never come
Nights alone have ruined me –
I’m wrong again
I’m starved again
Alone again
Alone again
Alone, alone, alone
I’m hearing you repeat the old familiar phrase, “I just can’t cope”
I say I feel it too
But camaraderie in suffering
It feels like speaking tongues
Maybe I’m not lying if I’m still not close to you
Because after all this time
I fall asleep just fine
No matter how it hurts
I fall asleep just fine
Maybe I’m meant to be alone
I can’t pull these parts together
I’ve probably had enough time to sort this troubled mind to structure
So when you’ve had enough of being stuck with “given up,”
Please don’t apologize because I’ll understand just fine
Another bad night –
We failed again
I don’t think we can fight this depression
But I’ll still try to ignore these signs
That we are playing a losing game
We cannot create the same feelings
Comfort is not love
But it is it close enough?
I feel alone again
It’s setting in
I’m learning how to settle
Please don’t give in
When you are close I am gone
Because where I am I won’t stay long
And I know it’s hard to wait for me when I’m afraid to let you near.
Please don't give in
I’ll clear my head one day
Please don't give in
I’ll make you proud of me
Please don't give in
Won’t always be so down
Please don't give in
I will be closer to you

Please don’t give in
We are all scared
We are all stuck
Dreaming of better days that will never come
Let it go!
Bring that smile back
Let it go!
You know that we want you here
Please stop!
Blacking out your days.
Please stop!
Saying we will be better off without you
We will always find new ways to let each other down
New ways to scare ourselves
So if this is what you hold onto I will protect it
We burn with friendly fire
Breathe quick with anticipation
Our imaginations will crush us
But it is so hard to impress you when you’ve built these walls so high
But I want in
Tear you open
Leave you breathless and longing
Show you that you are more than what you lack
I keep reminding myself
I didn’t fall in love just to fall apart
But I still believe in us
We can right this ship
If they don’t put us away we will be legend
Save me
Save me
Handcuff me to this bed
Let me sweat through the sheets
Until the voices stop and the hum quietly says your name
Until I find a better way to say that I love you
(I want to know it doesn’t hurt)
Just remember that I knew you when and I will always come back for you
(I want to know it doesn’t hurt you)
I will come back for you