The Wesleyan Fight

The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I grabbed my cap and gown
I joined an a capella group
Drank Natural Lite until I puked
Got sexually harassed by deek
Recovered and composed a Wes-Speak
Managed up a telethon
For starving fruit bats in Saigon
And then I checked my messages and mails
And made Espresso
The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I joined an afro-Jewish vegetable cooperative
And went to thirteen football games
I learned a Phish song on the banjo
Boycotted for better mangos
Worked out on the Stairmaster for twenty hours
Sent Doug Bennet flowers
Raped a sex offender
Pierced my nose and changed my gender
Then I got a sandwich and a Popsicle at Wes Shop
And it's
Fight, fight, fight for old Wesleyan
Drink to happy days of fun
And all these years were a waste of time
I don't care if you burn away my life tonight
There's no way that you won
The night old Wesleyan went up in flames
I stole some neon chalk and
Scrolled a billion truisms
About post-modern Marxism
Befriended all the homeless children
Snorted meth and read the Qur'an
Wrote new age philosophy
Bought platform shoes and watched TV
Drew pictures of my childhood trauma
Showered, shaved, and took a sauna
Then I checked my messages and mails and cut my arms up (just a little bit!)
And it's
Fight, fight, fight for old Wesleyan
Now you see your world undone
And I have stayed until the bitter end
You can take your bulletin broadcast reviews and shove them up your ass
Because I won
I won
I won
I won
I won
I won
College row is burning down
It's Armageddon, Middletown
Take your refillable coffee mugs and head for the hills
I won
I won
I won, confess
I won, confess
I won, confess
I won, confess
Go Wes