These Are The Days

Jesus knocked on my door
much too early in the morning
In a polyester leisure suit
and his short blond hair blo-dried
said a handful of dead presidents
would insure my swift salvation
And guarantee my reservation
At that members-only penthouse in the sky
Well, I’d already blown my savings
on yet another meat hangover
so I gave the cat five dollars
and my brand new fishing poll
And I said "if you’ll excuse me
I’m about to clean my rifle
And I ain’t got time to trifle
W/ someone trying to sell vacations for my soul"
These are the days
I wish I'd been an astronaut instead
these are the days
I wish I'd stayed in bed
I was watching my TV
with a quart of Old Milwaukee
Catching up on all the murderers
when my telephone starts to ring
It turns out that it’s the president
Telling me if he gets my vote
I will soon be wearing a mink coat
coz he’ll make all of us Americans rich as kings
Well he had me hook line and sinker
even though it was just a recording
til the news showed guys on Wall Street
trying to fly without their jets
So I fed my German shepherds
Checked the canned goods in the basement
And hoped the presidents replacement
Hasn’t tried to get my telephone number yet
these are the days
I wish I'd been an Eskimo instead
these are the days
I wish I'd stayed in bed
Nietzsche knocked on my door
saying God is dead and getting funky
And if I did not believe him,
"well just take a look around"
So I peaked out
the air smelled cheesy
and what trees were left looked gnarly
But I said “Fred get back on your Harley
coz you existential freaks just bring me down”
these are the days
I wish I'd been a maniac instead
these are the days
I wish there was no brain inside my head
these are the days I wish I'd stayed in bed