Founding Fathers Rap

The name is George Washington but it's The General to you,
Or you could call me President one, not three or two,
And you've probably heard a lot of silly stories 'bout me,
But let me lay it down how raw it really used to be,
I got a hemp operation back at the plantation
Selling the stickiest shit around the new nation
So come run and find me if you wanna get high
'Cause honestly I got the bombest I cannot tell a lie.
Pick it, dry it, of course I'm gonna try it,
Bag it up and brick it and then just let 'em buy it
And if the Brits wanna come and take a piece of the cut
I'll raise a whole fuckin' army let 'em see what's what.
The King's like "yo, I gotta get paid"
I'm like "tough titty, 'cause y'alls a whole ocean away
And you can try to send some ships to come and make me pay up,
But that's an awful long way just to suck these nuts."
You get my fucking message, son?
Take it, Thomas Jefferson.
Sell drugs
(sell drugs)
Run guns
(run guns)
Nail sluts and fuck the law
(fuck the law!)
We're Founding Fathers, we are Rushmore shit
And we were all high as balls.
The Declaration of Independence,
I wrote so high I'm surprised it makes sense
But we find these truths to be self-evident:
It goes puff puff pass or next round you get skipped.
Abe Lincoln, I know what you're thinking,
Greatest President ever, I'll have what he's drinking (uh-huh)
Yeah, well see, that's where you'd be wrong
'Cause if you wanna chill with me you'd better go and grab that bong
Or an apple or a can, see you do not understand,
Faded 24/7 'cause that's just the way I am
I can see you're having a little trouble believing me
Then check this letter that I wrote recorded down in history
-ahem-
'Two of my favorite things are sitting on my porch
And smoking a pipe of that sweet hemp of course'
That's a quote that I wrote while I was still in office
But enough of that I am too high I have to back up off this
Where is my horse I think I need to go and ride him home
I was supposed to leave about four score and twenty rips ago
You seen my hat? I like it, I kinda think it looks like a stove
Scratch it, pass it one more time and let me hit it for the road.
Sell drugs
(sell drugs)
Run guns
(run guns)
Nail sluts and fuck the law
(fuck the law!)
We're Founding Fathers, we are Rushmore shit
And we were all high as balls.
And don't let 'em try and tell you we grew it just for rope,
You can check what we wrote down in our harvest notes
We separated seeds that we found more potent,
In layman's terms: we were in to gettin' bent!
Smokin' out the Continental Congress
Everybody's bitches be like all up on us
Patrick Henry's in the corner looking pretty well spent,
Ben Franklin got so high he forgot to be President.
Your girl just said she never had it hit so good
Smoked so many trees that my fuckin' teeth turned wood
And if they make a monument to me when I die
It'll be a giant abstract joint up in the sky.
But you know they gonna whitewash me,
Make up some corny shit about me chopping cherry trees,
It's hard to control the people if their founder's a thug
So they'll just teach that I was all prayers, puppies and hugs.
But that just ain't the way it was,
We set this whole place up with a hell of a buzz
So next time they try and tell you that this stuff is wrong,
Look at a dollar, light a blunt, fuckin' sing my song!
Sell drugs
(sell drugs)
Run guns
(run guns)
Nail sluts and fuck the law
(fuck the law!)
We're Founding Fathers, we are Rushmore shit
And we were all high as balls.
The Declaration of Independence
I wrote so high I'm surprised it makes sense
But we find these truths to be self-evident:
It goes puff puff pass or next round you get skipped.
We're the founders, and we found this
And we founded this on cannabis
Mount Rushmore crew
Stone monument to some monumental stoners (ha ha)
G Washington, T Jefferson, and A Lincoln
And fuck that other guy!
Calvin Coolidge, whoever the fuck
We history!