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Disappear Always Lyrics
Pull the blinds
all the black dreams I've had
well they don't mean much now
When I rise at noon
I'm missing someone I don't know
and I don't want to be alone
And this house is now a grave
I've been sleeping here for days
I'm too hidden to awake
so i disappear always
Call someone up
just to have a drink
let's talk about anything, I don't care
Get out of the house
for an hour or two
but it's missing something I can't explain
And this house is now a grave
I've been sleeping here for days
I'm too hidden to awake
so I disappear always
all the black dreams I've had
well they don't mean much now
I'm missing someone I don't know
and I don't want to be alone
I've been sleeping here for days
I'm too hidden to awake
so i disappear always
just to have a drink
let's talk about anything, I don't care
for an hour or two
but it's missing something I can't explain
I've been sleeping here for days
I'm too hidden to awake
so I disappear always
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cool. First comment. Well I relate to this song well. I love it.
The first part:
I got out of a 6 year relationship a year basically now. It wasn't what I wanted. But things happened and we split. All my nightmares and fears of her leaving didn't mean shit anymore. Why? "Pull the blinds" wake up! The shit did happen and were over. Now all those nightmares dont matter. Because I'm living the black dream itself.
Second:
I miss her. I describe myself as a hermit. I just work long hours and come home and sleep. I'm completely alone now. I'm distant from my family. When I met her I felt complete. Her warmth kept me company and I felt comfortable. Now she's gone and I miss her terribly. But we talk very seldomly but I feel I don't know Her anymore. She is just a stranger to me. But I do miss her. I miss her warmth and the "love" I thought she felt for me
Chorus:
In the beginning of our break up. I would just sleep. I fell ill due to my job few days after our breakup. I was on workers comp for a while. Months to be exact. So I had all this time to myself to think about what did I do wrong? Did this really happen? I thought she loved me? She said we would have a family one day. I don't understand? So I would sleep all day. This happened for months. I wouldn't eat. I was depressed. Plus not having the strength physically to move about. And now my mental state was decaying. I would sleep for days without eating. My house was indeed my grave. It was like no one knew I was gone.
Third:
I would call an old friend of mine sometimes to go chill. Smoke/drink at bar or something. Just anything to get my mind still after what I had gone thru.
Fourth:
Same thing. Anything just to keep my mind busy from thinking of her. But months had gone by and I still feel the hole left in my heart. Even to this day I feel the hole. My emotions have been mixed and fucked up. I feel like I can't feel anything for anyone.
But that's how I feel about the song. I'm so happy I'm first to comment. Now I'm feeling a bit better about the situation. But honestly it's with the help of LSD. I've been taking pretty strong doses here and there. I feel happy and complete. When this song comes on under the influence. I remember what we had. And I feel thankful I atleast experienced love at one point of my life. Now I have to try my hardest to move on and find love in someone else. It makes me feel optimistic
@juarez122191 What an amazing heartfelt comment. I can relate with you to a certain extent, and I actually found this artist through my ex.
@juarez122191 What an amazing heartfelt comment. I can relate with you to a certain extent, and I actually found this artist through my ex.
Like what you went through, me and my ex split up. It wasn’t what I wanted either, I was holding on to the past and good times of our relationship and our potential together. I didn’t realize all the mental pain she was causing me because I was still in love with her. I thought that she was just healing from the troubles she had in her past and childhood, I wanted to be there for...
Like what you went through, me and my ex split up. It wasn’t what I wanted either, I was holding on to the past and good times of our relationship and our potential together. I didn’t realize all the mental pain she was causing me because I was still in love with her. I thought that she was just healing from the troubles she had in her past and childhood, I wanted to be there for her and by her side through her healing, but in doing so I was allowing myself to get hurt by her.
I can relate that when I was with her I felt complete. The warmth, love and comfort we gave each other felt a lot like how this song and album makes me feel. But things happened, we split up and I know she’s changed and if we were to talk again I would see her as a stranger. I miss her as well, but in a nostalgic way. Not in a way that I’d want her back.
The months after the breakup were rough for me too. It also didn’t help that it was right when the winter started, as well as having work and school. All I would think about was her and what went wrong but also what could have been. I had so many questions but couldn’t talk to her. We never really talked things out at the end. So the abruptness of the breakup also made my mind ask so many questions and look for so many answers. All of the things she said she wanted to do with me, get married, have kids, grow old together, go there, do this, do that. What was I supposed to make of all that? Nothing? Just throw away a whole potential future life I was looking forward to like it was nothing?
Once I started to hang out with friends more and go out and do more things it helped me move past her. It also helped that my closest friend had also just gotten out of a long term relationship, so we were able to talk about things and relate to one another.
Months have gone by and things have definitely improved. I still think about her but not in the same way I used to. I’ve realized why things ended and why it was best for them too. But I still have some negative thoughts which I know will go away and improve over time. I still feel a slight emptiness from everything and also find it hard to feel for someone else. I think part of that is also me subconsciously trying to protect myself from being heartbroken again. But I know when I did fall in love I didn’t set expectations or try to protect myself. I let things be and enjoyed them in the moment.
I can relate with you that now when I think of her and our relationship, I’m grateful for what I experienced and for the love I received and gave. I try to remain optimistic that I will find love again with someone else. I can’t wait for that day to come and I know when it does, everything that I went through and all the time I waited for it will be worth it.
I’ve also looked into psychedelics for the better part of 2 years, they really interest me. So I have some and have for a while, but I’m not in a rush to use them and I will when the time is right. I’m optimistic that the experience I get from them will be beneficial for myself. I wasn’t with my ex for as long as you were, so I can’t begin to imagine the heartache, mental and physical battle you went through but I can relate to a lot of what you experienced. I hope you’re doing well and found love again :)
If you have experienced depression, you will know that this song is about depression. A feeling of complete loneliness and loss, even though you don’t know why you’re lonely or what you have lost. Even when you try to be better, when you try to go out and experience life- it is missing something. The sound of this song is very melancholy. You are missing someone, but you don’t know who, and you would just rather not be alone. But even when you are with the others, it still feels the same. Absolute misery- if you are depressed, I would highly recommend getting professional help. From one depressed person to another. You are not alone, and it can be better. ❤️