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El Greco Lyrics
I'm black on blacker velvet
Milk skin and veins
Like some El Greco painting
So full of pain
So full of longing for light of day
I thought I knew who I was in the world
But here I am twice blind at being born
Crawling to my buried voice, within
And I've forgotten who I used to be
And I've forgotten the woman in red
Living her dream
And I've forgotten the courage I used to be
Happiness is overrated
It never lasts
Skating the surface of oceanic depths
Oh may the fruit of my life be meaning
So please forgive me all my seriousness
My so-called spirituality
I'm just a mess
I'm tears and anxiety
But I'm unafraid to see
And I've forgotten who I used to be
The leader in her glory shining, divining
And I've forgotten, the courage I used to be
The middle passage is so damned humbling, persona crumbling
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
Like some El Greco painting
No sun or sky
No lantern, no candle needed to light
The holy radiance behind the eyes
And I've forgotten who I used to be
And I've forgotten the woman in red
Living her dream
And I've forgotten the courage I used to be
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try
Milk skin and veins
Like some El Greco painting
So full of pain
So full of longing for light of day
But here I am twice blind at being born
Crawling to my buried voice, within
And I've forgotten the woman in red
Living her dream
And I've forgotten the courage I used to be
It never lasts
Skating the surface of oceanic depths
Oh may the fruit of my life be meaning
So please forgive me all my seriousness
My so-called spirituality
I'm just a mess
I'm tears and anxiety
But I'm unafraid to see
The leader in her glory shining, divining
And I've forgotten, the courage I used to be
The middle passage is so damned humbling, persona crumbling
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
No sun or sky
No lantern, no candle needed to light
The holy radiance behind the eyes
And I've forgotten who I used to be
And I've forgotten the woman in red
Living her dream
And I've forgotten the courage I used to be
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
And I try, and I try, and I try
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A very dark song about a very dark time in Paula's life. Possibly a moment in the time after Amen came out, or after the Hugh Paghdam album that WB refused to release.
Each time I play this song it occurs to me that it must be so painful to talk about "All my seriousness, My so-called spirituality" -- most likely a reference to the Amen album and how it became a debacle of sorts just because she chose to use the word Amen.
It's painful having to admit you might've believed wrong, or used/presented your belief in a way that toppled your boat. This kind of screw-up is worse than simply screwing up because you may have genuinely thought your belief was something good, and that all things considered, presentation is just a detail... In that sense the song is really a companion to Nietzsche's Eyes.