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The Old Chisholm Trail Lyrics
Come along boys and listen to my tale,
I'll tell you of my troubles on the old Chisholm trail.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Oh, a ten-dollar hoss and a forty-dollar saddle,
And I'm goin' to punchin' Texas cattle.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I wake in the mornin' afore daylight,
And afore I sleep the moon shines bright.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
It's cloudy in the west, a-lookin' like rain,
And my durned old slicker's in the wagon again.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
No chaps, no slicker, and it's pourin' down rain,
And I swear, by gosh, I'll never night-herd again.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Feet in the stirrups and seat in the saddle,
I hung and rattled with them long-horn cattle.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
The wind commenced to blow, and the rain began to fall,
Hit looked, by grab, like we was goin' to lose 'em all.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I don't give a darn if they never do stop;
I'll ride as long as an eight-day clock.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
We rounded 'em up and put 'em on the cars,
And that was the last of the old Two Bars.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Oh, it's bacon and beans most every day,
I'd as soon be a-eatin' prairie hay.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I went to the boss to draw my roll,
He had it figgered out I was nine dollars in the hole.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Goin' back to town to draw my money,
Goin' back home to see my honey.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
With my knees in the saddle and my seat in the sky,
I'll quit punchin' cows in the sweet by and by.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea,
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I'll tell you of my troubles on the old Chisholm trail.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
And I'm goin' to punchin' Texas cattle.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
And afore I sleep the moon shines bright.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
And my durned old slicker's in the wagon again.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
And I swear, by gosh, I'll never night-herd again.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I hung and rattled with them long-horn cattle.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Hit looked, by grab, like we was goin' to lose 'em all.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I'll ride as long as an eight-day clock.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
And that was the last of the old Two Bars.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I'd as soon be a-eatin' prairie hay.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
He had it figgered out I was nine dollars in the hole.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
Goin' back home to see my honey.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
I'll quit punchin' cows in the sweet by and by.
Come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yea.
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This song is infamously well known for being the inspiration behind the short story on which visionary director Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain" is based (I do not recall the name of the short story but it is a seminal text in queer studies). "Chisholm" is a code word for the gays (I can write this because I am a gay) and its similarity to jizm is no coincidence. The other indicators of homoerotic expression are almost too numerous to analyze, but I'll attempt a cursory examination here. The repetition of "come a ti yi yippee, come a ti yi yay", "punchin' Texas cattle" (it's code for punchin' Texas asshole), "afore I sleep the moon shines bright" (pre-bed anal sex), "no [ass] chaps, no slicker" (no clothes, no lubrication, which is the sort of rough and rugged living that cowboys would have preferred in those days ((very dangerous, I would know after hours and hours of personal and professional research))), "feet in the stirrups and seat in the saddle" (no explanation necessary), "I'll ride as long as an eight-day clock" ("eight-day clock" is a homophonous phrase standing in for "ate a cock"). These don't even begin to scratch the surface of this song's deep homoerotic undertones, but I must stop my examination here to undertake an explanation of sex trafficking back in the day. "We rounded 'em up and put 'em on the cars, / And that was the last of the old Two Bars" is the key to this song's darker meanings, confirming that the gay cowboys were nefarious for rounding up young boys and roping them into the cowboy lifestyle. This indoctrination process is completed after eating "bacon and beans most every day," as "bacon and beans" is cowboy slang for greasy, hearty sex. The last verse in the song is self-explanatory. I hope this in-depth, well-researched deconstruction of "The Old Jizm Trail" by Sex Ritter has enhanced your understanding of the old cowboy lifestyle.
Signing off,
Dr. Chester von Schrödonger