Army

Well I though about the Army
Dad said, "Son, you're fucking high"
And I thought, "Yeah, there's a first for everything"
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only 15 grand spent in bed
I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead
Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job
Fuck Chick-fil-A
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June, reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame (oh, no)
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
Whoa
Think I'll write a screenplay
(Think I'll write a screenplay)
Whoa
Think I'll take it to L.A.
(Do my shoes match my shirt?)
Whoa
Think I'll get it done yesterday
Aw shit
In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection,
"God, please spare me more rejection!"
'Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I thought about the Army