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Gift of the Magi 2: Return of the Magi Lyrics
I used to be a dead guy
Now I'm a fucking jedi
And I've got lots of news for you
And I've got a long list of things to do
I used to dwell in the present
I used to be so hesitant
But now I've got my whole life to live
And I've got all my love to give
To all you fuckers that I hate
It's like the Gift of the Magi
More like the Gift of the Magi 2
You sold your soul to buy some tits
And I sold my soul to grow a dick
We gotta get him in the van
Well what if he resists?
Just kick him in the back of the fucking head
And put him in the back of the fucking van
It's a miracle of science
All this betrayal and violence
And it lives inside us all
It lives inside our hearts
Just like a stupid fucking tapeworm
Who can we blame?
The husband divorced his wife
After she cut her hair
Because she was way less fuckable
And that's just unforgivable
He moved into a condo
He hung out by the pool
But he never wore a bathing suit
He just wanted to scope out the talent
If God doesn't like ugly
Then God doesn't like anybody
So fuck God anyway
God is obsolete
My God thinks my jokes are funny
There's no one to blame
People are just fucking mean
Go suns!*
*(referring to the Phoenix Suns, a basketball team from AJJ's hometown)
Now I'm a fucking jedi
And I've got lots of news for you
And I've got a long list of things to do
I used to be so hesitant
But now I've got my whole life to live
And I've got all my love to give
More like the Gift of the Magi 2
You sold your soul to buy some tits
And I sold my soul to grow a dick
Well what if he resists?
Just kick him in the back of the fucking head
And put him in the back of the fucking van
All this betrayal and violence
And it lives inside us all
It lives inside our hearts
Just like a stupid fucking tapeworm
After she cut her hair
Because she was way less fuckable
And that's just unforgivable
He moved into a condo
He hung out by the pool
But he never wore a bathing suit
He just wanted to scope out the talent
Then God doesn't like anybody
So fuck God anyway
God is obsolete
People are just fucking mean
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This is such a fun song. I think the first lyrics are in reference/contrast to "This is Why I'm Hot."
That song is really bitter and you could tell Sean is feeling depressed and trapped in his situation while this is song he still maintains that bitterness but has a hopeful edge to it. Kind of, "yes the world is a mess but that doesn't mean I have to be."
"I used to dwell in the present I used to be so hesitant But now I've got my whole life to live And I've got all my love to give"
then in true AJJ fashion
"To all you fuckers that I hate"
I just want to point out that a majority of the song is a huge reference to the story gift of the magi. Basically there's a very poor couple and they want to get eachother Christmas gifts. The man has this very nice pocket watch and the wife wants to buy him a proper chain for it so she sells her long beautiful hair to a wig maker in order to purchase it. At the same time the man wanted to get the wife these tortoise shell combs she had seen and wanted,So he sold his pocket watch so he could buy the combs. When they exchange the gifts they find they are useless, but then they realize how much they love eachother because of how far they were willing to go for eachother. In the style of AJJ, this song says fuck you to that concept and basically assumes their aren't good humans like this and we are all selfish and ignorant and we need to try to be better