Ironic

My dog's stomach was very upset
So I put him in the car and we went to the vet
And on our way to the vet
I killed a cat
I said, isn't that ironic?
I adopted a child from overseas
To rescue him from child labor factories
And on his very first birthday we went
To Build-a-Bear workshop
Isn't that
I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C
A waterpark is burned to the ground
And a tow truck has broken down
I always used to cry when I laughed
And then I was raped by a clown
I was watching Al Gore on CNN
He was talking and talking and talking and then
Out of boredom my pet polar bear
Shot himself
I dated an animal rights activist
And one day she got really pissed
Because I was eating veal
That was wrapped in pita bread
PETA?
Isn't that
I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C
I'm a stand-up comic
And I always sit and slouch
And I got my girlfriend pregnant
On my sterile uncle's
Pull-out couch
I-R-O-N-I-C
If every day you play the board game "Risk"
You've probably never taken a risk in your life
And "Monopoly" has far from a stranglehold on the board game market
A little kid died from suffocation
When he choked on a game piece from
"Operation"
And I can't grow a beard
That one's not ironic
That one's just sad
Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant
My grandfather had Alzheimer's
And one day we were...