307 Ale
There's many a drink you'll drink, me lads, on every world that's new.
There's Saurian Brandy, Cranapple Schnapps, and a good old Tullamore Don't.
There's Busch and Beck and Bud and Bock and others dark and pale,
But I think you'll find the finest kind is 307 Ale.
307 Ale, me lads, 307 Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
It started out at M.I.T. one lazy summer day,
When a couple of the frat-boy techies started in to play,
They'd caught up on their schedule with a couple hours to kill,
So they fitted up the cyclotron and made themselves a still.
307 Ale, me lads, 307 Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
They added choice ingredients to brew a little brew,
But they didn't know the wires were crossed in Chamber Number Two.
A tiny bit of space got folded, things were looking queer,
They turned the spout and then came out the world's first Hyper-Beer.
307 Ale, me lads, 307 Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
It bubbled and it burbled and it glowed a fizzly green,
And what it did to test equipment, frankly, was obscene.
It took awhile to find a vial it wouldn't burst to flame,
Then they measured out its potency, and that's how it was named.
There's many drinks you'll drink, me lads, but this one beats them all.
One hundred fifty-three and one-half percent alcohol,
A beer brewed in a tesseract, it'll shoot you through the roof,
And if you don't believe me, I've got lots and lots of proof.
307 Ale, me lads, 307 Seven Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
It sticks to your mouth like library paste,
With a stronger kick than toxic waste,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste
Like 307 Ale!
There's Saurian Brandy, Cranapple Schnapps, and a good old Tullamore Don't.
There's Busch and Beck and Bud and Bock and others dark and pale,
But I think you'll find the finest kind is 307 Ale.
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
When a couple of the frat-boy techies started in to play,
They'd caught up on their schedule with a couple hours to kill,
So they fitted up the cyclotron and made themselves a still.
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
But they didn't know the wires were crossed in Chamber Number Two.
A tiny bit of space got folded, things were looking queer,
They turned the spout and then came out the world's first Hyper-Beer.
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like 307 Ale, me lads,
307 Ale.
And what it did to test equipment, frankly, was obscene.
It took awhile to find a vial it wouldn't burst to flame,
Then they measured out its potency, and that's how it was named.
One hundred fifty-three and one-half percent alcohol,
A beer brewed in a tesseract, it'll shoot you through the roof,
And if you don't believe me, I've got lots and lots of proof.
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
It sticks to your mouth like library paste,
With a stronger kick than toxic waste,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste
Like 307 Ale!
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A song inspired by a license plate, It's a bit of geekiness about an impossibly potent potable, For those who don't know how proof work, it's the amount of alcohol where 1 proof is pretty much one half of a percent of the total volume. So 200 proof is 100% alcohol. Thus thus, as the song says, is 153.5% alcohol due to the reality-breaking accident of its creation.